I hope everyone has a fabulous new year. Be safe and have fun.
Here's to 2011!!
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010 Meme
I've done this meme for a few years now. Can't think of a reason not to do it again!!
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before? Ran Ragnar. So much fun.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Probably not. I’ve been working on the same one for years and it isn’t getting any easier.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? New babies in 2010? Several friends and family members had sweet little babies. Sadly, too many for me to make them all blankets. But I tried.
4. Did anyone close to you die? My sister’s father–in-law passed away. I can’t think of anyone else.
5. What countries did you visit? Still no countries, but went to California.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? Money. Duh!!
7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? May 1, 2010 when we moved.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? We put in a yard. That’s pretty big.
9. What was your biggest failure? Lost motivation to run. I’m still trying to get it back.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Asthma. Kicked my butt. But I’m breathing much easier now.
11. What was the best thing you bought? I didn’t buy it (Christmas present) but I really, really like my nano. A lot.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? ??
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Depressed? No one.
14. Where did most of your money go? Groceries.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Ragnar.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010? I don’t know. My favorite radio station kind of died and then resurrected itself in late December, so I don’t know what new music I like.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Much happier, richer, nicer. Yes, happier. Richer? About the same. Nicer? I hope so.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Playing with my kids. Why does play strike fear into my heart?
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Worrying over things out of my control.
20. How did you spend Christmas? We had a Christmas Eve lunch with some dear friends and then visited Shane’s aunt’s house like we do every year. Then that night, I made our traditional French dip sandwich dinner. Christmas Day I wasn’t a happy person. But it was good. I liked it, despite my selfish rants.
21. Did you fall in love in 2010? No.
22. How many one-night stands? None. Seriously?
23. What was your favorite TV program? Mad Men. I am a big Donald Draper fan.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No. I don’t think I hate anyone.
25. What was the best book you read this year? I am the Messenger or Girl in Translation.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? My iPod. I love it.
27. What did you want and get? To move. And here I am!
28. What was your favorite film of this year? I didn’t see many movies, so I can’t say. Although I did like Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows a lot.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I went to work and I think they took me to lunch. I turned 35.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I can't think of one.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? Jeans and flip flops. Same old, same old.
32. What kept you sane? Oh, I’m sane?? Huh. I don’t know how to answer this question.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Jon Hamm. We are friends on FB. I wonder if he stalks me….
34. What political issue stirred you the most? Not political.
35. Who did you miss? Driving to work with Shane. And I wish my friend Shelly hadn’t moved across the valley.
36. Who was the best new person (people) you met? I have some great new neighbors. I love my street a lot.
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before? Ran Ragnar. So much fun.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Probably not. I’ve been working on the same one for years and it isn’t getting any easier.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? New babies in 2010? Several friends and family members had sweet little babies. Sadly, too many for me to make them all blankets. But I tried.
4. Did anyone close to you die? My sister’s father–in-law passed away. I can’t think of anyone else.
5. What countries did you visit? Still no countries, but went to California.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? Money. Duh!!
7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? May 1, 2010 when we moved.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? We put in a yard. That’s pretty big.
9. What was your biggest failure? Lost motivation to run. I’m still trying to get it back.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Asthma. Kicked my butt. But I’m breathing much easier now.
11. What was the best thing you bought? I didn’t buy it (Christmas present) but I really, really like my nano. A lot.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? ??
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Depressed? No one.
14. Where did most of your money go? Groceries.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Ragnar.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010? I don’t know. My favorite radio station kind of died and then resurrected itself in late December, so I don’t know what new music I like.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Much happier, richer, nicer. Yes, happier. Richer? About the same. Nicer? I hope so.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Playing with my kids. Why does play strike fear into my heart?
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Worrying over things out of my control.
20. How did you spend Christmas? We had a Christmas Eve lunch with some dear friends and then visited Shane’s aunt’s house like we do every year. Then that night, I made our traditional French dip sandwich dinner. Christmas Day I wasn’t a happy person. But it was good. I liked it, despite my selfish rants.
21. Did you fall in love in 2010? No.
22. How many one-night stands? None. Seriously?
23. What was your favorite TV program? Mad Men. I am a big Donald Draper fan.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No. I don’t think I hate anyone.
25. What was the best book you read this year? I am the Messenger or Girl in Translation.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? My iPod. I love it.
27. What did you want and get? To move. And here I am!
28. What was your favorite film of this year? I didn’t see many movies, so I can’t say. Although I did like Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows a lot.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I went to work and I think they took me to lunch. I turned 35.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I can't think of one.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? Jeans and flip flops. Same old, same old.
32. What kept you sane? Oh, I’m sane?? Huh. I don’t know how to answer this question.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Jon Hamm. We are friends on FB. I wonder if he stalks me….
34. What political issue stirred you the most? Not political.
35. Who did you miss? Driving to work with Shane. And I wish my friend Shelly hadn’t moved across the valley.
36. Who was the best new person (people) you met? I have some great new neighbors. I love my street a lot.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Book, 2010
2010 was a hard reading year. I couldn't find many books on my own that really grabbed me. It it hadn't been for my dear friends mailing books to me and a few good suggestions, I really would have had a bad one. And, to my shame, I haven't posted a single book review.
Lame.
But, as a tiny guilt-assuager (not really a word, I know!!), I'm posting all the books that I read and/or started. It isn't very long or glamorous, but here it is.
The Copper Beach* - Maeve Binchy at her finest.
Lavinia* - Returns us to the beginnings of Rome, my first Ursula Le Guin book. Loved it.
The Drifters* - The 60's in all its glory. Sex, drugs, VW buses, hippies. Good times.
The Knife of Never Letting Go - I need to finish the other two books of this series. I will eventually.
The Lovely Bones* - I read this book back in 2003; I liked it just as much the second time around.
The Curious Incident of the Dog at Nighttime* - I didn't love the characters, but I liked the message of this book.
Little Bee* - traumatizing, guilt-inspiring, and yet so triumphant. Reminds me of Poisonwood Bible, and yet they are nothing alike.
Girl in Translation - a great immigrant story. Amy and I read this book within weeks or days of each other without knowing it. I love that this happens often.
Little Stranger - Gothic book about a house. I didn't love the ending - too many loose ends.
Someone Called Eva* - an interesting take on WWII for children. I was fascinated learning about the Nazi's use of adopting "German" looking children from neighboring countries. How glad I am that we won the war.
A Vintage Affair - Probably my favorite book of 2010. Another WWII tie, but set in the present.
The Girl who Chased the Moon - another favorite. This author (Sarah Addison Allen) has eclipsed my love for Alice Hoffman a la The River King and Blue Diary.
Fever 1793 - my first ever Laurie Halse Anderson book, read weeks after my sister went to dinner with her.
Possession - I finally bought my own copy and wrote in it as I read it. Love love love this book!
Time Traveler's Wife - every year I read it. I admit I now see Rachel McAdams when I picture Clare, but she's kind of fuzzy...not 100% Rachel.
Mockingjay - One of the few book reviews I did. And now that I look at the post, it wasn't even a review.
Walk Two Moons* - I didn't love this book until the end. Then it really really hit me.
I am the Messenger* - loved this book. Loved its message. Giggled at the whited out swearing with replacement words written in.
The Elegance of the Hedgehog* - hated it until 140 pages in, then read it in 2 days. A great great book.
Unwind - terrifying, and so possible. Thing Hunger Games intensity with a totally creative, unique premise. And no annoying self-centered main character.
Chains - another Laurie Halse Anderson. She does youth fiction so, so well.
The Lace Reader* (haven't finished yet) - reading this one in tandem with Sepulchre.
* - means books that I read with my book exchange group. Seriously love, love, love these amazing women. We have been through 30+ books together that I can think of and I love them more each round. Thanks girls for putting up with my stupid asides and terrible handwriting and for the fact I tell you that my back up religions are Catholicism and Judaism in every. single. round somewhere. I love all of our confessions...
And, these books I started but have put by the wayside:
The Surrendered - Korean War book - graphic and slow.
Northanger Abbey - I want to love this more than I did. I guess I'll just have to accept that Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility are the only Jane Austen book's I'll ever complete.
Anne of Green Gables - I hated this book. Why? I don't know. I wanted to like it, but it wasn't the reality.
The Distant Hours - Argh. I loved The Forgotten Garden so so much. Why isn't this one as good? Why?
13 Reasons Why - full of teenage angst. I will eventually finish it, I think.
So there is my 2010 list of books. I know there are a few I picked up and read a few pages of but I didn't write them down, so oh well. And the reason I have this list is because every year I keep a spreadsheet of the books I have read. I have it going back to 2002 or 2003; one of the years I spent hours every day pumping at work. I love these lists and look at them whenever I try to remember when or if I read a book. Am I the only one that does this?? I hope not.
How was your 2010 reading? Did you read any of these? Anything I should put on my list for next year?
Lame.
But, as a tiny guilt-assuager (not really a word, I know!!), I'm posting all the books that I read and/or started. It isn't very long or glamorous, but here it is.
The Copper Beach* - Maeve Binchy at her finest.
Lavinia* - Returns us to the beginnings of Rome, my first Ursula Le Guin book. Loved it.
The Drifters* - The 60's in all its glory. Sex, drugs, VW buses, hippies. Good times.
The Knife of Never Letting Go - I need to finish the other two books of this series. I will eventually.
The Lovely Bones* - I read this book back in 2003; I liked it just as much the second time around.
The Curious Incident of the Dog at Nighttime* - I didn't love the characters, but I liked the message of this book.
Little Bee* - traumatizing, guilt-inspiring, and yet so triumphant. Reminds me of Poisonwood Bible, and yet they are nothing alike.
Girl in Translation - a great immigrant story. Amy and I read this book within weeks or days of each other without knowing it. I love that this happens often.
Little Stranger - Gothic book about a house. I didn't love the ending - too many loose ends.
Someone Called Eva* - an interesting take on WWII for children. I was fascinated learning about the Nazi's use of adopting "German" looking children from neighboring countries. How glad I am that we won the war.
A Vintage Affair - Probably my favorite book of 2010. Another WWII tie, but set in the present.
The Girl who Chased the Moon - another favorite. This author (Sarah Addison Allen) has eclipsed my love for Alice Hoffman a la The River King and Blue Diary.
Fever 1793 - my first ever Laurie Halse Anderson book, read weeks after my sister went to dinner with her.
Possession - I finally bought my own copy and wrote in it as I read it. Love love love this book!
Time Traveler's Wife - every year I read it. I admit I now see Rachel McAdams when I picture Clare, but she's kind of fuzzy...not 100% Rachel.
Mockingjay - One of the few book reviews I did. And now that I look at the post, it wasn't even a review.
Walk Two Moons* - I didn't love this book until the end. Then it really really hit me.
I am the Messenger* - loved this book. Loved its message. Giggled at the whited out swearing with replacement words written in.
The Elegance of the Hedgehog* - hated it until 140 pages in, then read it in 2 days. A great great book.
Unwind - terrifying, and so possible. Thing Hunger Games intensity with a totally creative, unique premise. And no annoying self-centered main character.
Chains - another Laurie Halse Anderson. She does youth fiction so, so well.
The Lace Reader* (haven't finished yet) - reading this one in tandem with Sepulchre.
* - means books that I read with my book exchange group. Seriously love, love, love these amazing women. We have been through 30+ books together that I can think of and I love them more each round. Thanks girls for putting up with my stupid asides and terrible handwriting and for the fact I tell you that my back up religions are Catholicism and Judaism in every. single. round somewhere. I love all of our confessions...
And, these books I started but have put by the wayside:
The Surrendered - Korean War book - graphic and slow.
Northanger Abbey - I want to love this more than I did. I guess I'll just have to accept that Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility are the only Jane Austen book's I'll ever complete.
Anne of Green Gables - I hated this book. Why? I don't know. I wanted to like it, but it wasn't the reality.
The Distant Hours - Argh. I loved The Forgotten Garden so so much. Why isn't this one as good? Why?
13 Reasons Why - full of teenage angst. I will eventually finish it, I think.
So there is my 2010 list of books. I know there are a few I picked up and read a few pages of but I didn't write them down, so oh well. And the reason I have this list is because every year I keep a spreadsheet of the books I have read. I have it going back to 2002 or 2003; one of the years I spent hours every day pumping at work. I love these lists and look at them whenever I try to remember when or if I read a book. Am I the only one that does this?? I hope not.
How was your 2010 reading? Did you read any of these? Anything I should put on my list for next year?
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Hark, those herald angels do sing!
When Thomas was little, Shane's mom gave me a set of Christmas picture books. One of them had the words to Hark the Herald Angel's sing with pictures. I read this to him over and over and over, and then started to sing it to him over and over and over. It was the first Christmas hymn to which I knew all the words. Later on, I started to sing O Holy Night to him. In fact, when he was 2, I took him to Walmart with me and a lady heard him singing Hark the Herald Angels Sing. She told me how nice it was to hear a little kid singing a Christmas song other than Rudolph.
It made me feel awesome.
Anyway, whenever I sing Christmas songs to my kids, I include both of these songs. They are my very favorites, and both my kids know all the words (at least to the first verse; not so much the second.) Today in church, the last song was (wouldn't you know it?) Hark the Herald Angels Sing. I have been waiting for it all month long. To my joy, as the organist played the intro, Ben started belting out the words. I didn't shush him, as I was hoping he would continue to sing when the song really started.
I found myself singing this beautiful Christmas hymn with my boys. They were both singing unabashedly for the entire song. And even though Ben couldn't read the words to the second verse, he watched us sing and tried to follow along. When the last line came, we sang together again: Hark the herald angels sing/glory to the newborn king.
It was wonderful and filled my heart with such happiness. It helped me heal a little from yesterday's outburst. It was a tiny tender mercy that was much needed. We will never be much of a choir, and it certainly wasn't a very nice sound, but it made me feel so full of joy and hope.
Glory to the newborn king indeed.
It made me feel awesome.
Anyway, whenever I sing Christmas songs to my kids, I include both of these songs. They are my very favorites, and both my kids know all the words (at least to the first verse; not so much the second.) Today in church, the last song was (wouldn't you know it?) Hark the Herald Angels Sing. I have been waiting for it all month long. To my joy, as the organist played the intro, Ben started belting out the words. I didn't shush him, as I was hoping he would continue to sing when the song really started.
I found myself singing this beautiful Christmas hymn with my boys. They were both singing unabashedly for the entire song. And even though Ben couldn't read the words to the second verse, he watched us sing and tried to follow along. When the last line came, we sang together again: Hark the herald angels sing/glory to the newborn king.
It was wonderful and filled my heart with such happiness. It helped me heal a little from yesterday's outburst. It was a tiny tender mercy that was much needed. We will never be much of a choir, and it certainly wasn't a very nice sound, but it made me feel so full of joy and hope.
Glory to the newborn king indeed.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Alzheimer's Christmas, Part 2.
I went and visited my dad after Christmas tonight.
It was almost an afterthought; we had already passed both of the traditional freeway exits that take you to his residence. But Shane was willing to drive through the sleepy Utah County streets, all the stores dark and peaceful and gearing up for tomorrow's returning frenzy.
For some reason, the moment I decided to visit my dad, I started to cry. And I didn't stop. I went in alone to visit him. I found him lying in his bed, still a little awake. I had walked through the locked corridors of his rest home trying to hold it together, but I lost it all over again when I saw him. I knelt by his bed and sobbed. I don't know why; it was just too sad for me tonight that he is frozen inside his body. His mouth opens only to eat, like a baby bird. He does not smile or frown or laugh or cry. He blinks and nods his head and shakes his head. What this means only the Lord knows. His hands are bony from clenching them all the time.
I told him how much I missed him. I held his hand and got it all teary and snotty. I laid my head on his shoulder and wished for him to comfort me. I held his head, like I do my sons when they are sick or sleepy on their pillows. I told him as many things as I could. But he never said anything back.
Maybe it's an every other year thing. Maybe I just was extra emotional today. I'm not usually a crier, so I don't know where it all came from.
It was awful to leave him, alone and small in his lowered-to-the-floor hospital bed. What if he knew I was there and wanted me to stay, holding his hand and stroking his hair? What if later, after I left, he said the words that I wanted to hear (not that I could tell you what those words were.) I just wanted to hear his voice. Let him comfort me in a fatherly sort of way.
I can't put any spin on this to help it end on a happy note. It is bitter to me. Alzheimer still sucks.
It was almost an afterthought; we had already passed both of the traditional freeway exits that take you to his residence. But Shane was willing to drive through the sleepy Utah County streets, all the stores dark and peaceful and gearing up for tomorrow's returning frenzy.
For some reason, the moment I decided to visit my dad, I started to cry. And I didn't stop. I went in alone to visit him. I found him lying in his bed, still a little awake. I had walked through the locked corridors of his rest home trying to hold it together, but I lost it all over again when I saw him. I knelt by his bed and sobbed. I don't know why; it was just too sad for me tonight that he is frozen inside his body. His mouth opens only to eat, like a baby bird. He does not smile or frown or laugh or cry. He blinks and nods his head and shakes his head. What this means only the Lord knows. His hands are bony from clenching them all the time.
I told him how much I missed him. I held his hand and got it all teary and snotty. I laid my head on his shoulder and wished for him to comfort me. I held his head, like I do my sons when they are sick or sleepy on their pillows. I told him as many things as I could. But he never said anything back.
Maybe it's an every other year thing. Maybe I just was extra emotional today. I'm not usually a crier, so I don't know where it all came from.
It was awful to leave him, alone and small in his lowered-to-the-floor hospital bed. What if he knew I was there and wanted me to stay, holding his hand and stroking his hair? What if later, after I left, he said the words that I wanted to hear (not that I could tell you what those words were.) I just wanted to hear his voice. Let him comfort me in a fatherly sort of way.
I can't put any spin on this to help it end on a happy note. It is bitter to me. Alzheimer still sucks.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Abundance, Tradition, Gratitude
I love Christmas Eve. It can be so peaceful, and yet so not. I love the excitement and feel in the air.
I was looking at the abundance that we have. I have a house to live in and neighbors who I love and who have showered us with food and love this holiday season. I have two sweet boys and a great husband. I have parents who love me and sisters. I have friends who bring so much joy to my life. The blessings are abundant indeed.
Tonight I prepared our breakfast for tomorrow: pull-a-part rolls. It wouldn't be Christmas without them. I can remember having them every Christmas growing up and have continued the tradition for many years. Mmm, I can't wait for them tomorrow morning.
My kids opened their traditional Christmas Eve gift: new pajamas. I imagine almost every mom and dad in the western world does this. I am always amazed that they are surprised at their new jammies every year. But the year they expect them will be a little sad, I'll admit. It will mean they are growing up.
I am so grateful. I have so much. Thank you for being my friend or sister or virtual friend or complete stranger who visits my blog. Thanks for reading my thoughts and rants. You add so much to my life.
Merry Christmas. I hope that this wonderful holiday will be good to you.
I was looking at the abundance that we have. I have a house to live in and neighbors who I love and who have showered us with food and love this holiday season. I have two sweet boys and a great husband. I have parents who love me and sisters. I have friends who bring so much joy to my life. The blessings are abundant indeed.
Tonight I prepared our breakfast for tomorrow: pull-a-part rolls. It wouldn't be Christmas without them. I can remember having them every Christmas growing up and have continued the tradition for many years. Mmm, I can't wait for them tomorrow morning.
My kids opened their traditional Christmas Eve gift: new pajamas. I imagine almost every mom and dad in the western world does this. I am always amazed that they are surprised at their new jammies every year. But the year they expect them will be a little sad, I'll admit. It will mean they are growing up.
I am so grateful. I have so much. Thank you for being my friend or sister or virtual friend or complete stranger who visits my blog. Thanks for reading my thoughts and rants. You add so much to my life.
Merry Christmas. I hope that this wonderful holiday will be good to you.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Twinkle lights...
Don't you just love Christmas lights?
Miracle of miracles, my camera and I were getting along fabulously tonight. I took these and couldn't resist sharing.
Miracle of miracles, my camera and I were getting along fabulously tonight. I took these and couldn't resist sharing.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Happy Solstice!
One of my favorite books in the whole world is The Mists of Avalon. It's basically the retelling of the King Arthur story but from the point of views of his mother, sister, and wife. I love the main character Morgaine, whom history counts as a witch, but who this dear book details as a powerful priestess in the Celtic religion.
Throughout Mists, you hear of the Celtic holidays: Samhain, Beltain, the solstices. And just in case you are wondering what all these holidays meant (because honestly, I just learned a little bit about some that I wasn't really familiar with), you can check them out here. The definition for Yule is this:
Ever since I read this book, way back in my early 20's, I've loved the solstices. I get a little excited for today, knowing that while it's going to be cold, the sun will come back. And I get a little sad during the summer solstice, knowing despite its brightness, it carries with it the beginning slant toward darkness.
So, at the risk of being sacrilegious and in tribute to the fine religions on which our traditions are built (and, honestly, because I'm a little bit pagan at heart, minus the idol worship), I want to wish you all a Happy Solstice. Light a candle, enjoy the night, look forward to the return of the sun. Or Son. However you would like to mark it.
Throughout Mists, you hear of the Celtic holidays: Samhain, Beltain, the solstices. And just in case you are wondering what all these holidays meant (because honestly, I just learned a little bit about some that I wasn't really familiar with), you can check them out here. The definition for Yule is this:
Winter Solstice or Yule, occurs about December 21. This is the time of death and rebirth of the Sun God. The days are shortest, the Sun at its lowest point. The Full Moon after Yule is considered the most powerful of the whole year. This ritual is a light festival, with as many candles as possible on or near the altar in welcome of the Sun Child.It is amazing to me how we have incorporated these rituals into our own Christian holidays. We hang lights just like the pagans did, but call it in celebration of the Christ Child instead of the Sun Child. We hold our sacred day just 4 days after this pagan holiday. That Constantine sure knew what he was doing when he Christianized Rome.
Ever since I read this book, way back in my early 20's, I've loved the solstices. I get a little excited for today, knowing that while it's going to be cold, the sun will come back. And I get a little sad during the summer solstice, knowing despite its brightness, it carries with it the beginning slant toward darkness.
So, at the risk of being sacrilegious and in tribute to the fine religions on which our traditions are built (and, honestly, because I'm a little bit pagan at heart, minus the idol worship), I want to wish you all a Happy Solstice. Light a candle, enjoy the night, look forward to the return of the sun. Or Son. However you would like to mark it.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Where I get a diagnosis and worry about the end of the world.
Remember this post? My body's Labor Day gift to me? Well, I've been fighting for air ever since. I had a doctor give me a rescue inhaler back in September and I went through that puppy in 2 months, and so I decided I needed to see another doctor (you know, one that would actually listen to me breathe. Which the first doctor did not. Kind of weird in my book.) And so I saw Dr. A on Thursday.
His diagnosis? I have asthma. Not a big revelation, but nice to hear all the same. Because my world has suffered because of the loss of breath. Most importantly: I've stopped running. I only ran twice in November and haven't ran at all in December. But I am hoping that thanks Dr A's diagnosis and the administration of a maintenance inhaler, this should be under control soon. Yahoo!
But, you see, now I have something else to worry about. Because now I officially have Something Wrong. A Something Wrong that makes me rely on something outside myself to make daily function possible. Which makes me worry about the end of the world.
I've always done this. I used to worry about my nieces' dressers falling over on top of them if we ever had The Big Earthquake (which we still haven't had. Don't remind me.) Speaking of earthquakes, in 8th grade (Mr. Kennedy!! Anyone remember him?), I had a fool-proof place to hide when The Big Earthquake hit: in the built-in cabinets that lined the wall of the classroom. I reasoned that they would be much sturdier than the desk that they required me to hide under during earthquake drills. But then I would think about the built-in cabinets falling over with me inside of them and then I would be trapped inside of them instead of just trapped under the rubble that crushed my desk. Oh and I didn't mention that no one knew I had crawled inside the cabinets so I would be stuck forever in Mr. Kennedy's classroom.
It makes me claustrophobic just thinking about it.
But anyway, now that I have not just one but two inhalers to keep my lung function normal, what am I supposed to do when the end of the world comes? I mean, not the end-end, when everything goes up in smoke, but the end, post-earthquake or global financial collapse or whatever takes us down, when we don't have medicine or pharmacies or mail order drugs. Or gas stations that sell Dr. Pepper with a shot of vanilla. I'll suffocate in a month (and without any DP to take my mind off of things.) And that will really suck.
So while I'm grateful for Dr. A and his ability to digitize my lung function, I don't appreciate the result of his diagnosis and my reliance on something Other. And now I want to know: do you ever worry about these things or am I the only one? Did anyone else fantasize about climbing into Mr. Kennedy's cabinets (but not with Mr. Kennedy; ick!)?
His diagnosis? I have asthma. Not a big revelation, but nice to hear all the same. Because my world has suffered because of the loss of breath. Most importantly: I've stopped running. I only ran twice in November and haven't ran at all in December. But I am hoping that thanks Dr A's diagnosis and the administration of a maintenance inhaler, this should be under control soon. Yahoo!
But, you see, now I have something else to worry about. Because now I officially have Something Wrong. A Something Wrong that makes me rely on something outside myself to make daily function possible. Which makes me worry about the end of the world.
I've always done this. I used to worry about my nieces' dressers falling over on top of them if we ever had The Big Earthquake (which we still haven't had. Don't remind me.) Speaking of earthquakes, in 8th grade (Mr. Kennedy!! Anyone remember him?), I had a fool-proof place to hide when The Big Earthquake hit: in the built-in cabinets that lined the wall of the classroom. I reasoned that they would be much sturdier than the desk that they required me to hide under during earthquake drills. But then I would think about the built-in cabinets falling over with me inside of them and then I would be trapped inside of them instead of just trapped under the rubble that crushed my desk. Oh and I didn't mention that no one knew I had crawled inside the cabinets so I would be stuck forever in Mr. Kennedy's classroom.
It makes me claustrophobic just thinking about it.
But anyway, now that I have not just one but two inhalers to keep my lung function normal, what am I supposed to do when the end of the world comes? I mean, not the end-end, when everything goes up in smoke, but the end, post-earthquake or global financial collapse or whatever takes us down, when we don't have medicine or pharmacies or mail order drugs. Or gas stations that sell Dr. Pepper with a shot of vanilla. I'll suffocate in a month (and without any DP to take my mind off of things.) And that will really suck.
So while I'm grateful for Dr. A and his ability to digitize my lung function, I don't appreciate the result of his diagnosis and my reliance on something Other. And now I want to know: do you ever worry about these things or am I the only one? Did anyone else fantasize about climbing into Mr. Kennedy's cabinets (but not with Mr. Kennedy; ick!)?
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Random Things: 12 days before Christmas Edition
- I am not ready for Christmas. Did you read that? Not ready. Not just emotionally, but present-wise either. Argh. I keep buying things but they aren't the things I should be buying.
- Last night, Shane thought we should buy his aunt this. He has suggested it on more than one occasion. I'm not sure what to think of it. Does he just want it for himself? I don't get it.
- I don't want to ever take down my Christmas tree. I love love sparkly Christmas lights. I could look at them all night. Do you think people will think it's weird if they come over in March and it's still up?
- I have finished two sewing projects in the past 24 hours. Who knew? So glad they are almost done. I keep wanting to make some of these as gifts for neighbors and friends, but I have yet to start any. Did I mention I've been making a gift for my best friend's wedding gift since September? And that she got married in July? Right on time, right on time. What is the likelihood of me finished even 1 mug rug in a month, let along 12 days. Lame. But I think I'm going to try.
- Two websites I'm currently dying over: Yoga Download and Half Ebay. Holy cow! Free yoga classes (or super cheap; $1.49 download that you can have forever!) and books for .75 cents? Are you kidding me? Check them out.
- Just watched the Christmas Glee episode. I am really starting to like Glee. I might be a Gleek. Can we still be friends?
- Books have been scarce this year. I did read Unwind (it was fabulous, if you are interested.) And I bought the new Kate Morton book The Distant Hours. I am disappointed so far (150+ pages in.) So sad. I wanted something I loved as much as The Forgotten Garden. Sad.
- Ben lost his first tooth on Shane's birthday. The our 13 year-old babysitter pulled it out for him (she said she didn't mind; in fact, her exact words were "I pulled out all of mine. And some of my brothers." She has 5 younger brothers. I bet she's pulled some teeth! It was cute, though.) And while I love my kids believing in the jolly fat man, the Tooth Fairy could go by the wayside and I wouldn't. Mind. At. All.
- Is today the first day of Christmas? Or was it yesterday? I don't know if the 12 days of Christmas end on the 24th or 25th so I hope I'm doing it right. Either way, I wish you either a partridge in a pear tree or 2 turtle doves. Why are there so many birds in the 12 days I ask?
- If only I was one of those mothers who think of fun things to do for the 12 days of Christmas for their kids. Sigh, maybe in another life.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Believing...
The Christmas I was in 4th grade, my grandparents slept over at our house. I think they might have been living with us, or maybe it was for convenience. But that Christmas Eve, Amy and I slept downstairs on the floor in front of the fireplace. I can remember laying on this super soft, comfy lambswool rug that inhabited the hearth. It was very dark downstairs, and I had a hard time sleeping, so all night I dreamed of the magic of the next day. Little forest creatures and presents wove in and out of my dreams all night (it sounds cheesy, but seriously: I dreamed of deer and bunnies. Really.)
I never heard a sound that night. Our Christmas tree was right upstairs, and so my parents had to be doing their Christmas Eve thing, but I never heard them, despite my sleeplessness. It added to the excitement. I totally and truly believed in Santa at this point in my life. There were no doubts to cloud the magic of Christmas the way there would be the next year. And, even when I knew Santa didn't exist the next year, I waited one more before I told my mom. I knew that the present count was higher for those who believed versus those who didn't. (Yes, in case you kept track: I avoided telling my mom about not believing until I was in 7th grade. Hey, I was the youngest. I could get away with it.)
So this year, my own son is in 4th grade. He asks a lot of questions about Santa. But I know there is a part of him who still believes in Santa. Or is really willing to want to believe in Santa. And that is just fine with me. I will be so so sad when he no longer believes. And when Ben, my youngest, doesn't believe anymore: it will be painful. The knowledge from which there is no return will make all Christmasses from then on After. And that is just so incredibly sad to me.
So I wish I could just stop time. Keep my kids little. I don't care if they are 15 and don't tell me that they no longer believe in Santa. I don't want them to lose the sense of magic and wonder that Santa brings. Sure, it can be viewed as materialistic (after all, that was why I waited to tell my own mother!) But I don't mind having them keep me in the dark as to their knowledge. I want them to go to bed on Christmas Eve so excited that they have dreams about woodland creatures bringing them presents.
Do your kids still believe? Are you happy to let them keep you in the dark? Was it terrible, that first Christmas After, when everyone knew and everyone knew that they knew?
I never heard a sound that night. Our Christmas tree was right upstairs, and so my parents had to be doing their Christmas Eve thing, but I never heard them, despite my sleeplessness. It added to the excitement. I totally and truly believed in Santa at this point in my life. There were no doubts to cloud the magic of Christmas the way there would be the next year. And, even when I knew Santa didn't exist the next year, I waited one more before I told my mom. I knew that the present count was higher for those who believed versus those who didn't. (Yes, in case you kept track: I avoided telling my mom about not believing until I was in 7th grade. Hey, I was the youngest. I could get away with it.)
So this year, my own son is in 4th grade. He asks a lot of questions about Santa. But I know there is a part of him who still believes in Santa. Or is really willing to want to believe in Santa. And that is just fine with me. I will be so so sad when he no longer believes. And when Ben, my youngest, doesn't believe anymore: it will be painful. The knowledge from which there is no return will make all Christmasses from then on After. And that is just so incredibly sad to me.
So I wish I could just stop time. Keep my kids little. I don't care if they are 15 and don't tell me that they no longer believe in Santa. I don't want them to lose the sense of magic and wonder that Santa brings. Sure, it can be viewed as materialistic (after all, that was why I waited to tell my own mother!) But I don't mind having them keep me in the dark as to their knowledge. I want them to go to bed on Christmas Eve so excited that they have dreams about woodland creatures bringing them presents.
Do your kids still believe? Are you happy to let them keep you in the dark? Was it terrible, that first Christmas After, when everyone knew and everyone knew that they knew?
Monday, December 6, 2010
The four levels of Christmas
The year that Shane and I got married, I didn't have any Christmas decorations. In the course of buying ornaments and tinsel and garland, I found a tiny white porcelain nativity at Deseret Book. When I say tiny, I mean it. It stands maybe 3 inches tall and probably that wide. It has a stable with 3 figures underneath: a man, a woman, and a cradle with the shape of a baby. It was the only representation of the real meaning of Christmas I had for for the first 3 Christmasses of my married life. But I loved that little nativity and looked forward to getting it out each year.
In a kind of related way, I learned a little about myself in church yesterday. The lesson was based on the premise that there are 4 levels of Christmas. The first is the Santa level. The brightly wrapped presents, ribbons, tinsel, reindeer, and excitement that all go with Santa are in this level. I guess it is the most outward sign of Christmas (but it's still important in my book!! Trees and Christmas lights are highly rated around my house.)
Second is the social aspect of Christmas. This is where we enjoy the parties, the family get-togethers, the work socials that are so abundant. (So far, so good in my book. I love each part of this little 4 part premise.) I love those gatherings of friends and family. They are something I look forward to all year long. It wouldn't be Christmas without them.
The third part is where Baby Jesus (and my little white nativity) come in. We remember the stable that the Baby Jesus was born in, the wise men who came from afar, the shepherds who ran to meet him under the star. This is the level that I find myself in most often at Christmas. You see, I don't hang a lot of church-related stuff around my house. That is, until Christmas. I made it a goal this year to have as many of the nativities I've added to my collection as possible in each room. I have one on a bookcase, on on the mantel, another in the spot in my kitchen window. I have a table with a whole nativity set on it (all battered from my kids playing with it from year to year; Thomas particularly loved the donkey the year he was 1), and my Playmobile nativity on a table next to the couch. (Which, by the way is awesome for kids to play with. My only rule is they have to keep everything on the table. Kids love it and usually keep the rule. The only cause for alarm this year has been when Thomas introduced a Transformer into the game which was killing the baby. I found myself yelling from the kitchen, "We do not kill the baby Jesus with Transformers!" It was awesome - who knew I would ever get to utter that sentence??)
So, Baby Jesus is my level of Christmas. The fourth level - the adult Christ, who performs the role as savior - is still above me. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about loving Jesus, whatever his age may be. But my Christmas maturity level isn't there yet. I'm still too enraptured with the infant that came into a stable. I can relate to little babies who come into our lives, innocent and sweet and wrapped in soft things. I understand the concern of a new mother; I feel for Mary and the circumstances in which she gave birth. I sympathize with Joseph, finding himself with such an awesome responsibility to be the earthly father of the son of God. These things I understand and relate to more than the things that come later. Although I'm grateful for those, too.
We sang a song yesterday that I had never heard but was so sweet and made me cry. It is called When Joseph went to Bethlehem. The words go like this:
When Joseph went to Bethlehem
I think he took great care
To place his tools and close his shop
And leave no shavings there.
He urged the donkey forward,
Then, with Mary on its back,
And carried bread and goat cheese
In a little linen sack.
I think there at the busy inn
That he was meek and mild
And awed to be the guardian
Of Mary's sacred Child.
Perhaps all through the chilly hours
He smoothed the swaddling bands,
And Jesus felt the quiet strength of
Joseph's gentle hands.
And close beside the manger bed
He dimmed the lantern's light,
And held the little Jesus close upon
That holy night.
So I'm alright with being a Christmas level 3. It means I've made some progress, but still have something to work towards. Truly, though, I am grateful for all the levels. Because to have Christmas without any of them would be unimaginable. To not have decorations, even if they are as hodge-podge and rag-tag as mine, would take out some of the warmth of the season. To not give presents to my loved ones, however simple, would make me feel empty. To not have my family and friends around to spend time with would be lonely. To not see the representation of the nativity would be heartbreaking. And it is impossible for me not to acknowledge the person that Jesus became.
So what level of Christmas is essential for you? Is there one aspect that makes it all come together?
In a kind of related way, I learned a little about myself in church yesterday. The lesson was based on the premise that there are 4 levels of Christmas. The first is the Santa level. The brightly wrapped presents, ribbons, tinsel, reindeer, and excitement that all go with Santa are in this level. I guess it is the most outward sign of Christmas (but it's still important in my book!! Trees and Christmas lights are highly rated around my house.)
Second is the social aspect of Christmas. This is where we enjoy the parties, the family get-togethers, the work socials that are so abundant. (So far, so good in my book. I love each part of this little 4 part premise.) I love those gatherings of friends and family. They are something I look forward to all year long. It wouldn't be Christmas without them.
The third part is where Baby Jesus (and my little white nativity) come in. We remember the stable that the Baby Jesus was born in, the wise men who came from afar, the shepherds who ran to meet him under the star. This is the level that I find myself in most often at Christmas. You see, I don't hang a lot of church-related stuff around my house. That is, until Christmas. I made it a goal this year to have as many of the nativities I've added to my collection as possible in each room. I have one on a bookcase, on on the mantel, another in the spot in my kitchen window. I have a table with a whole nativity set on it (all battered from my kids playing with it from year to year; Thomas particularly loved the donkey the year he was 1), and my Playmobile nativity on a table next to the couch. (Which, by the way is awesome for kids to play with. My only rule is they have to keep everything on the table. Kids love it and usually keep the rule. The only cause for alarm this year has been when Thomas introduced a Transformer into the game which was killing the baby. I found myself yelling from the kitchen, "We do not kill the baby Jesus with Transformers!" It was awesome - who knew I would ever get to utter that sentence??)
So, Baby Jesus is my level of Christmas. The fourth level - the adult Christ, who performs the role as savior - is still above me. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about loving Jesus, whatever his age may be. But my Christmas maturity level isn't there yet. I'm still too enraptured with the infant that came into a stable. I can relate to little babies who come into our lives, innocent and sweet and wrapped in soft things. I understand the concern of a new mother; I feel for Mary and the circumstances in which she gave birth. I sympathize with Joseph, finding himself with such an awesome responsibility to be the earthly father of the son of God. These things I understand and relate to more than the things that come later. Although I'm grateful for those, too.
We sang a song yesterday that I had never heard but was so sweet and made me cry. It is called When Joseph went to Bethlehem. The words go like this:
When Joseph went to Bethlehem
I think he took great care
To place his tools and close his shop
And leave no shavings there.
He urged the donkey forward,
Then, with Mary on its back,
And carried bread and goat cheese
In a little linen sack.
I think there at the busy inn
That he was meek and mild
And awed to be the guardian
Of Mary's sacred Child.
Perhaps all through the chilly hours
He smoothed the swaddling bands,
And Jesus felt the quiet strength of
Joseph's gentle hands.
And close beside the manger bed
He dimmed the lantern's light,
And held the little Jesus close upon
That holy night.
So I'm alright with being a Christmas level 3. It means I've made some progress, but still have something to work towards. Truly, though, I am grateful for all the levels. Because to have Christmas without any of them would be unimaginable. To not have decorations, even if they are as hodge-podge and rag-tag as mine, would take out some of the warmth of the season. To not give presents to my loved ones, however simple, would make me feel empty. To not have my family and friends around to spend time with would be lonely. To not see the representation of the nativity would be heartbreaking. And it is impossible for me not to acknowledge the person that Jesus became.
So what level of Christmas is essential for you? Is there one aspect that makes it all come together?
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