Monday, January 5, 2009

January-ish thoughts

It's officially January. The holidays are over, I'm back at work on all the regularly scheduled days, gearing up for my work's busy time of year.

The past few weeks have been strange. I didn't enjoy Christmas at all. Call it selfishness, call it the weather, call it my dad; whatever you call it, it wasn't the day that usually relish. Even on Christmas Eve-eve, (my own official holiday, a day I normally love), I couldn't wait for it all to be over. I wasn't sad to take down the Christmas decorations on New Years Eve, which is usually something I loathe doing.

And yesterday, I drove to Idaho and back (because, you know, it's right around the corner!) for a baby blessing for my great-niece Claire (who I couldn't even hold, because I was sick. I stroked her beautiful dark hair as she passed in front of me, though.) I should have been happy, I should have had a good time. But I was grumpy and anxious and didn't feel well, which kept me from feeling the contentedness that I can feel when I'm around my extended family. I don't think my legs stopped bouncing the entire way through church, and I thought more about the comments I would make in my latest SDBBE book than about the words that were being said over the pulpit. In all, I've found myself more grumpy, more emotional, less go-with-the-flow-ish of late. Which isn't me. I like to be happy. I like to try to make others happy.

I don't know what it all means. But I'm trying to find balance. I found myself turning to my favorite January read (Time Traveler's Wife). I'm trying to do something to find out why my sciatic nerve has been on fire for the past 3 months (you know, instead of just complaining about it to my husband.) I'm even trying to go back to my mostly-non-soda-drinking self (the holidays blew a big fat giant hole in every part of my reasoning to stop. What to do?).

So. Maybe writing about all of this will help. I've always appreciated how writing can help work some of these things out. But mainly, I just wanted to say to those around me: I know. I'm not very fun lately. Stick around and maybe I'll get nicer.

And, yeah. Sorry about all the parentheticals. (But aren't they fun. Sometimes. Especially when coupled with really short sentences.)

4 comments:

Thomas Family said...

Beck,
Its ok we all still love you!! :)

Jeanette said...

I'm right there with you. Maybe it's the fact that we haven't seen the sun for a month? That always tends to make me grumpy.

Christmas didn't do it for me this year either. Usually I am craving my extended family at Christmas and this year I was looking for excuses to just stay home.

It's been a weird year all the way around.

I hope you are feeling perky again soon =0) And I had to laugh at the comment about how your leg didn't stop bouncing all through church because when has it EVER stopped bouncing? LOL

Isabel said...

I hate hearing that you aren't feeling well. I wish there was something I could do to help perk you up. The only thing I can think of is this...

I'm going to use the Border gift card I won at my work party to buy myself a copy of YOUR FAVORITE BOOK and I'm finally going to read it.

It's the least I can do!

:-)

fluentbrittish said...

January is a yucky month, isn't it?

I love the Time Traveler's Wife. Such a fascinating read.