Monday, April 26, 2010

Writing challenge #1

Amy (The English Geek) is having a writing challenge today.  It sounded like a great idea to me, so here is my attempt at free-writing.  It is so hard to not backspace and self-edit; I do it without thinking!!

My first thought: he’s already in the shower (crap, have already backspaced. Need to stop self-editing!!). I wanted to be up first, and here I am again being second. But I got his coffee ready; the smell making me miss it, wishing that it was still my morning beverage even after almost 10 years of abstinence. It is hard to give up things we once loved.

But I followed him in the shower. I think I scared him a little; but he was glad to see me. The morning went along, same but different. We still woke up the kids, but it was me leaving by myself instead of leaving together, which was sad and strange and a little bit enthralling all at once. Driving into the sun as it rose made me happy; I love mornings even though I’m always wishing I could go back to sleep. It sometimes seems exhausting to think of all I have to do between that moment of waking up and the time when I blessedly lay down again. Although, by the time I get there, I’m reminded that I’m really a night person and instead of slipping blissfully into sleep, I’m reading or thinking or worrying or chatting with Shane.

The air at the train was clear and cold. I watched the busses pull up, the people file out. I worried that my car would be okay during my long day. What a strange new reality to be standing alone at the unfamiliar stop, waiting for the train that will take me somewhere familiar. Next week, I will be in even another spot, waking up in another house. But he will probably still beat me to the shower, which is okay. I will still get to tease him and wake up the kids, enjoy their morning stretches and groans and awakenings. But nothing changes the fact that I’m leaving alone, leaving alone, leaving alone. After 10 years leaving alone.