Sunday, June 6, 2010


Every now and then, you can feel it. That feeling from Before.  Before kids. Before mortgages. Before responsibilities. Before I had to edit my words (and my husband's) because little ears were listening.

Tonight was one of those nights.  We left the kids with the grandparents, made something to share, and showed up at the house where the party was.  Some people we have known for years and years (Shane's old roommates).  Others we've met socially, and some never before. 

I enjoyed the feeling of sitting with a bunch of tipsy girls and not being tipsy but remembering what tipsy felt like.  And liking both feelings.  Of knowing that I get to go home to people who call me mom, and being glad for it, but also being glad for the break. 

Ah, I used to be young. I used to show up at parties like tonight's every weekend until they were the norm. Until I was slightly blase about them.  But now, when they come like sudden gifts that remind me what it was like Before, they mean so much more.

One of the girls I knew would be there tonight has intimidated me for almost a year now. We've only met a few times, but both times I thought, "She would have nothing to say to me.  Nor would she want to."  I went away with a totally different impression of her.  I found out that she thought the same of me.  Wow, we are all the same.  Just people.  How cool to be reminded of that every now and then.  To see yourself through someone else.  I need to be stretched like that every now and again.

I also like remembering how it felt to be that Becky.  I don't have to drink to be that Becky.  She reminds me of being young, of genuinely having fun.  It's all the good parts of partying without any of the bad stuff. Because I get to go home to my semi-mundane life that makes me incredibly happy.  I'm not searching for my life to start anymore.  It's here and I'm living it and I'm happy with the choices I've made.

It is a good feeling to know she's in there, somewhere.

(I know this post is really random.  But I had to get it out.  You know how that is, right?)


Apryl said...

Ah, the BEFORE you. It's nice to connect to that person again. I have one hidden somewhere. Sometimes I think it'd be super duper fun to go out dancing all night, but my jiggle isn't as cute as it used to be (if you know what I mean). So we just end up dancing in the living room.

Ginger said...

I love this post. So cute.