Hits and misses from the past week:

(Caution: Possible spoilers for Mockingjay.  If you haven't finished it & don't want to be spoiled, go cautiously.)

• Hit:  I gave blood for the first time in a decade last Wednesday. Yay me.

• Miss: part of my motivation for donating said blood was that it gave me 45 minutes at work to read my copy of Mockingjay. Yeah, I even told my boss that was my motivation, and he didn't care, but still.  Getting to read hot new exciting book under pretense of blood donation is a miss.

• Hit:  Gave some service for my church on Thursday morning. Even put on a dress and high heels. 

• Miss:  Having to walk home from Walmart in said heels and dress when my car battery died in front of the tire and lube entrance. 

• Miss:  Lecturing the Walmart tire and lube person for using my the key alarm clicker that doesn't work, which resulted in my alarm going off each time anyone attempted to start it.  Forgot that when the car's battery dies or is replaced, the car thinks the alarm has been set and it immediately goes off.

• Miss: leaving my half full cart of groceries smack dab in the middle of the reception area of the Walmart tire and lube department.  End up seeing the guy that I lectured about key clicker emptying it an hour later. Feel a bit sheepish.

• Miss: I retracted all the good I did during said service by cussing up a storm during said walk from Walmart.

• Hit: my babysitter is great. She called me back after I attempted to call her during my attempts to find someone to pick me up from Walmart and take me home.  I didn't have her rescue me, but she did pick up Ben from school and drive me down to Walmart to get my car once I had the working key clicker. Thank heaven for good babysitters who are also good friends.

• Miss: having the worst run of my life on Friday.  I didn't realize until today why: the blood donation (see miss #1.)  Apparently, running a well known route doesn't prevent your body from moving through space when it's down a pint.  Who knew?

• Hit: found an awesome blog post about running and blood donation that has been receiving similar comments for over 5 years. Check it out here.  How cool is that?

• Hit: now know that a - I can handle being stuck with a needle and bleeding into a bag without passing out and b - I should to go easy on the running after being stuck with said needle.  Win/win situation, once all the expectations and fears are thrown out of the mix.

• Hit: my dear friend Isabel had her lovely baby boy. She had the same due date as I had with Thomas (August 18th) and she passed it, still prego, just like I did with Thomas.  It's like we are part of a secret club or something.  But seriously, so excited for her little boy coming into the world.

• Hit: finally buying Thomas his reward copy of Battle of the Labrynth (Percy Jackson #4). He earned it by reading 2 books in 2 weeks before school started.  He got it on Saturday in the mail, and started reading it tonight.  He's on page 22.  Love that kid.  Love that he loves to read.

• Hit: buying Mockingjay early online for $8.99.

• Miss: finding myself on Tuesday night without my copy of Mockingjay.  Realizing that even if I got a good deal, what good is it if I have to wait a week to read it?

• Hit: realizing I can go and buy Mockingjay for full price, then return the one that is mailed to me (that I spent $8.99 on) with the receipt for the full price one. Brilliant.  

•  Hit: finished Mockingjay by Saturday morning.  Cried a little at the end.

(extra space if you don't want to be spoiled.  Stop reading here!)

• Miss: was left wanting by end of Mockingjay.  Collins gave us too much telling, not enough showing. I was frustrated by much of the action in the end, and left wanting to know the details of important characters.  Why did Gale only get a sentence explaining his new life?  What made Peeta forgive Katniss in the end?  Why did we have to hear about Katniss' trial second-hand?  For as well-loved as this series is, and as talented as I believe Collins is, I think that the last 50 pages were a let down.  Granted, every series ending can't be as well done as the grand finale that was the end of Harry Potter, but still.  She gave in to too many of the things I think Stephenie Meyer has done with Bella by allowing Katniss to do the "things" Katniss does, making her a paper-cut out character.  She is Bella without being Bella. Again, a side character (Haymitch) is really the star of the show and the only character with real life to them (I feel the same way about Jacob. Although he isn't a side character. Anyway.)

So, have you had hits or misses in the past week you want to talk about?

How did I become this mom?

It's 8:25 am. I'm sitting in my (empty) kitchen, finishing my hot chocolate (it's the Sam's Club holiday brand...something I've been addicted to since Christmas...it has about 3000 calories per cup, but so good. I'll die when they finally run out of it...)  My house is quiet around me and I wonder, How did I become this mom?

You see, I always always expected to have another baby.  Just one.  The moment Ben was born, I wanted to experience another birth. Just one.  But, life has taken me in another direction and I'm here with my two kids who I love immensely, but the one that could have been is never far from my heart.

So this week, when Ben started school, the bewilderment began.  It became a reality yesterday when I dropped them off at school and came home to an empty house. I'm now the mom with both her kids in school. I'm the mom who can go and get a pedicure in the morning if she wants without worrying about someone to watch the boys. I'm the mom who can go running for an hour or 2 if she chooses, then come home and take a long shower with the bathroom door open.

But it doesn't seem real, because that ghost child follows me through my run, makes me want to shut the bathroom door, sits next to me at my pedicure, watches me drink my solitary hot chocolate.  She (because my heart wanted her to be a she) doesn't clamber to be anything more than a ghost, a hope, a whisper.  But she is there, all the same.

So I'm living in this sense of unreality.  Last night it was like a little charge when I would think about it: 2 hours! Tomorrow! Yours!  But the reality that this is permanent, that my boys will always and forever be in school during the day, makes me wonder where it all went.  And wonder if I did a good job getting them to this day.  I surely could have been more patient, I surely could have savored one more moment somewhere.  It all happens so fast...9 years goes by in an instant, and I'm still the same old me.  With the same longings, the same wish for just one more.

New beginnings...

Yes, it's July, and still incredibly hot. However, we are officially back in school around here.  I can't believe I have a forth grader and a kindergartener. Here are some pictures of their first day...

Thomas on his first day...Ben was wishing it was time for him to start, too!

Thomas and Ben with their friends, getting ready for the big kids first day.

Waiting in line...so handsome!

Ben's first day.  He is so big!

Ben and Brooklyn...they have known each other their whole lives.

Waiting in line with his friend Kade.

I can't believe how fast time has gone.  It is a new start for all of us.  I have to admit I'm looking forward to having the house to myself for a few hours a day.  But I can't believe my baby is in real school!