Tonight I was looking around my kitchen and I realized I hadn't set out the Sugar Plum Fairy nutcracker my mother-in-law gave me from her nutcracker collection. I took her out of her spot and thought of a place to put her. I looked at her hair, and thought about how cute it would look down on her shoulders instead of in a pony tail, so I removed the bow and elastic. I found myself playing with her hair, and the familiar feel of doll hair in my fingers brought back so many memories.
Shane saw me and kind of just rolled his eyes, but I was having so much fun. It made me want to ask for a baby doll for Christmas. I know, I'm a 34 year old woman, way too old to be playing with dolls. But I miss that excitement of holding a babydoll. I love brushing their hair and putting on their shoes and watching their eyes open and shut. That familiar pang of not having a daughter echoed in my heart again. If I had a daughter, I would be styling her long hair, working with rubber bands and bows and barrets and hair bands and the rest of it on a daily basis. I could buy her a doll every Christmas and sneak in a little bit of play time for myself.
I think I still feel a little bewildered having all boys. Christmas toy shopping doesn't include a trip down the doll aisle, unless we have somehow lost our way. I don't know what is fun to buy for my boys because my heart is still stuck on the pink aisle down the way, not the orange action figure one. Not that I don't love my boys or enjoy buying toys for them: it just isn't the same. Shane gets to relive his youth with the toys we buy. I don't. So, I still wouldn't mind a little girl to buy for.
All this over finding a spot for a Christmas decoration. I don't think we ever get over not meeting the children we imagined we would have. But it was a good moment, if bittersweet, that I had brushing Sugar Plum Fairy's hair tonight.
And she looks totally cute with her new hairdo, don't you think?
3 comments:
I loved barbies. I'm sort of embarrassed admitting that, but I did. I can't remember loving other dolls. But the ones that looked like grown-ups where you got to dress them in gowns and high heels were perfect for me.
Cute memories. Your little sugar plum fairy does look great:)
Sniff.
You know I am right there with you. That smell of a new babydoll...sort of plasticky...that IS Christmas for me. Haley wasn't a babydoll sort of girl, though. Even when she was tiny she wanted Barbies, not babies, and Barbies don't smell the same.
I have the exact same heartache when I shop at Christmas.
But yes: SPF looks so cute!!!!
Here's a thought. Maybe we can become those old ladies who buy dolls, and set them out on their shelves, and brush their hair, just "to keep the dust off."
I'm game if you are. And I am 100% certain our husbands would be on board!!! ;)
You and Amy can buy babies for my girls;) Grace is obsessed and is passing that on to Claire.
Very cute nutcracker! I'm glad you had a great moment:)
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