Thursday, April 15, 2010

Dear John,

Actually, I don't have a letter to write to anyone named John. But I do have a few to write to real people, most of whom do not read this blog.  I love being able to get out my frustrations in such a helpful, passive-agressive format.


Dear person buying my home:

Hi! We haven't met, but soon you will be sitting on my toilet seats and cleaning my sinks.  Just a little note to say that I can't give you the moon.  I can't even give you a satellite or a random piece of space junk. I KNOW!

Yes, my house is 10 years old. But it's a nice place.  Really. And I'm trying, but I really can't give you everything.  Thanks for letting me clear that up.

Signed, Becky



Dear Dr. Jelly fingers,

Thank you for my IUD yesterday.  I'm so glad you got me in on such short notice.  And you didn't make me come back a week later to get my IUD, but were awesome and performed the whole shebang (sorry, poor word choice!) in a day.  Tell your office manager "sorry" that I didn't have to come back.

But you rock.  I have a thing for OB/GYNs with the first name of Scott, apparently.  See you in a year.

Regards,

Becky



Dear Home Inspector--

If we ever meet on the street, I might punch you.  If I had wanted to replace windows/water heater/dishwasher, I wouldn't have decided to move.  But whatever.

Just whatever.  I'm glad you got paid, at least.

Becky



Dear Dr. Pepper -

Please stop creeping into my mind with your dark, sugary goodness. I've only had you twice since I broke my streak. 

Stop stalking me.

`Preciatecha.

Becky

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

STUPID HOME INSPECTOR!!!!!!

Lucy said...

It stinks. The house we are buying is actually being sold by friends of ours, so the things we asked them to fix were even more awkward. But, ours were legitimate. Gas leak under the stove, facuet leak (that gets the carpet (I know...carpet...in a bathroom!) wet when running) and a radon gas situation that has to be fixed. It's so painful!

I hope you told the buyers they can pick out their own windows and dishwasher. Pssssh.

fluentbrittish said...

I haven't had a DP for 4 months, but now I'm tempted!

Apryl said...

I'm so sorry. I just watch my in-laws go through all this. BUYERS MARKET. Ugh. (Really, wouldn't you rather negotiate a cheaper price on a house & fix all the piddly little detail things YOURSELF? I guess not. Oh well.)