Book review: The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox

So, I finally broke my streak of bad luck with books and finished a book in 3 days.  Whohoo!!

I should have known that I would love The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox.  It was one of Barnes & Noble's  recommended picks years ago, and I just always put off starting it.  Maybe it was the strange, magician's-assistant-y-type woman on the front cover.  But, you know, you can't judge a book by its cover.

(SDBBE girls - I'm not giving anything away.  You can read my thoughts - or skip them and get them in my awesome handwriting in a few months.)

It is the story of Iris and of Esme.  Esme is Iris' great aunt, and has been sequestered away in a mental institution for 61 years.  61 years! Apparently, back in the day, a father could institutionalize his wife, mother, daughter, what-have-you female for just about any reason.  She daydreams too much, or doesn't clean the way his mother did, or wants sex too much or not enough or whatever.  Yeah, that dad/husband/son could put away the woman and let her rot there. 

It makes me sick to think of it.

Beyond that, what I loved about this book is that it showed women and the choices they make.  We don't always have good reasons, and we don't always want to hurt others, but it happens anyway.  Sometimes I know I shouldn't do something, but I do it anyway.  Or don't do it, as it may be. A few months ago, an old friend's daughter had an event happen in her life that I was invited to.  I have let grudges that I have against this friend build up.  I decided to not go to the event just because of the grudges I had against her.  And yet another one of our friends went to the event.  She had every reason in the world to not go, and she still drove across the valley to attend.  The whole time I kept justifying myself with reasons that would have worked for my second friend so I would feel better about not going. (It didn't help, in case you were wondering.)

I don't really feel bad that I didn't go. I feel bad that I didn't go because of the justifications I used.  After reading Esme, I saw that part of myself mirrored in the choices that Iris and other characters made (not that I have made those exact choices, mind you.)  Without the benefit of the backwards/forwards omniscience that a novel gives us, I don't know how my choice will ultimately affect my friendship with my friend, the way I do with Esme.  I don't think that it changed my old friend's life that I wasn't there, but I'm sure it changed our friendship.  And it showed me a part of myself that I don't love.

So, if you like books about women and choices and the ways we torture ourselves and others around us, read this book.  This is a book that illustrates so perfectly why it is that I love books so much.  They give me a chance to learn about myself while simultaneously entertaining myself.  Who can lose in that situation, I ask?  Who.

Have you read this?  Did the cover freak anyone else out?  Thank heaven the paperback copy I just ordered from B&N is more agreeable.

Right now...

So, I'm totally copying my SDBBE-sista Britt on her fabulous post this week. (I loved it Britt! Enough to give the most sincere form of flattery.)  So, at this very moment in time, I am:

Digesting: Chinese food. Mm, nothing like Kung Pao chicken and fried rice....

Thinking: I should go get my kids from their grandma's house.  They are in wooden-castle-building heaven right now, so I'm not rushing over too quickly.

Wanting: some chocolate.  I turn to chocolate the minute I give up soda.  I don't know why that is...

Wishing: I had something to sew on.  I put my sewing machine away after my Christmas plethora of sewing and haven't mustered the gumption to get it back out.

Feeling: that I should have spelled the "get" in the previous sentence "git" with all the "mustering" and "gumption" talk.  Maybe "spelled" should have been "spelt" too.

Wearing: PJs! Are you surprised?

Watching: reruns of Mad Men.  Donald Draper having a Meredith Grey moment of introspection and narration.  I like it, Shane doesn't.

Giggling: over a comment I made on a blog today.  I love it when I entertain myself.  I am hoping she was as entertained.

Needing: to try on the new running tank I bought at Kohl's tonight with some in-store-credit we had from Christmas returns.  It's orange and will make me look a little like a creamsicle.  So I should wear black instead of white shorts, I'm thinking...

Reading: The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox.  Anyone out there read it?  I told you I'm grasping at straws lately.

Hoping: my mom and sister and nieces are having a nice time on their cruise.  This week my kids assaulted me at the door of their babysitter's with the question of whether we were going on a Disney Cruise.  I told them the 5th of never, or maybe when we get enough from our tax return (so pretty much the 5th of never.)

Defending: my stance on movies.  Shane mentioned a movie tonight as an option for something to do tonight (you know, as opposed to spending in-store-credit at Kohl's) and my first question was "What's it rated?" It just came out and now he's been teasing me all night.  I'm not a movie-rating snob, just highly picky over what I spend money on watching.

Petting: a little white cat who enjoys attacking people who visit my house and are brave enough to try and engage her.

Pushing: said cat onto the floor because she just bit me.  I'm pretty sure she thinks she's a rottweiler...

Liking: the quiet in my house, but also

Missing: my kids. And even their noise (just a little.)

What verb describes your evening?

January Randomalities...

• I have been doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred and Yoga Meltdown. I haven't ever watched The Biggest Loser so I'm not a big Jillian fan, but that girl knows how to whip your booty. And then keep you coming back for more.
• Speaking of Biggest Loser, my work is doing a BL-type challenge.  I signed up, and to get in the spirit of it gave up soda and started the above videos. Had some big hopes.
• Then I got on the scale and I had gained 2 pounds. Who is really the biggest loser?
• Did I mention that I gave up soda? Only to gain 2 pounds? Pounds I was able to keep off during Christmas when I positively drowned myself in soda every day?
• Grr.  Enough about that.
• But wait: Thomas likes to do the yoga video with me.  I laugh every time I hear him say "I think she's trying to kill us, mom!  Jillian, it hurts!" Hilarious.
• After an enlightening conversation with my sister, I realized that the fact that I find 99.9% of people in the world annoying, the problem may lie with me, not them. And that my lovely inhaler might be the culprit.  I lessened my dose a little (with doctor's approval).  We'll see if the good mood I've had today continues....
• I am loving the January thaw.  I want my bulbs to come up! I want spring!
• In case you were wondering, the cats have figured out the new cat door and are using it to it's fullest. Hallelujah!
• I got some new pj's for Christmas.  I want to spend every waking moment in them.  Is this behavior normal for a 30 something?  I can understand my five-year-old doing it, but....well, regardless, more people have caught me in them lately than I care to admit.  One lady stopped by two Fridays in a row and both times I was wearing them. Lovely.
• I am trying to find a book to read. Any suggestions? Where have all the good books gone, huh?  What are you reading these days?

I'll be getting my mouse ears soon.

During those "inspirational" meeting that some companies give, you often hear about Disney.  When Disney hires an employee and sends them out to work, that employee is "on stage."  They are expected to BE whatever job they have been hired to do, be it Mickey Mouse or Cinderella or the guy that loads you on to the Tea Cup Ride. (Hopefully there still is a Tea Cup Ride. I haven't been to Disneyland in 20 years - I was on tour with my dance group, and was one of the oldest people in the group. I don't really mind...Disneyland at 15 with a bunch of elementary school kids is just embarrassing, and now that is all I remember.)  So when Disney cast members are on-stage and are expected to treat themselves and those they encounter during their day appropriately.

Now fast forward to my life as a mom.  Last Monday was a Day. I realized that I have no coping skillz with my kids. They decide what happens at bedtime. They decide what happens at church. If they behave, I feel like it is because I'm just plain lucky. I'm yelling all the time and giving them threats that they know I will never follow through with.  In short, they have my number.

It is extremely frustrating to get to 35 and realize that you aren't any better at dealing with sub-10-year-olds than you were as a teenager.  Where did I go wrong?  I remember a time when I didn't yell all the time, but I only had one kid.  Easy peasy, right?

Monday night I remembered I had heard of a class that was being offered at our elementary school that used the words Love and Logic.  Now, I took enough psych and child development classes in college to be skeptical with new fandangled child psychology fads.  I don't like being told how to parent and I don't want to become a parrot for someone else's methods.  But I also realize that I need some help because my own resources are not working. My kids don't listen to me and I don't feel like an effective mother most of the time. And that sucks, because feeling like a bad mom creeps into most of the aspects of my life, including my self-worth.

On Tuesday, I decided I would take the class offered at my school.  I figured that 12 hours for $10 over six weeks isn't bad.  Even if I don't embrace everything that they teach, I have to glean some sort of alternative way of dealing with my kids other than yelling all the time.

I was pretty impressed.  The teacher was very experienced and seemed to know a lot about child rearing in the real world (because books and theories and stories are fun and all in a classroom, but if it doesn't keep me from wanting to pound my head in frustration while driving in the car with bratty kids, what good is it??)  Earlier that day, I had picked up some of the Love and Logic materials from the library (oh county library system, I love you so!!) One of the books is on CD so I loaded it on my iPod and have been listening to it this weekend. I skimmed through some of the chapters of the book I got.  It was a lot of the same material, but interesting all the same.  

We have had some great days since. I've been giving my kids choices and they are responding to my "logical" solutions much better than my yelling.  Thursday night, Thomas and I had a great discussion about the day that warmed my mother's heart right up to the top. I know that yelling doesn't work, and it doesn't make me feel better. But I'm so used to it, it's hard to break the habit.

Which brings me to my original point about Disney.  Despite all the avoided fights and conflict-free cleaning we experienced on Friday (it was heavenly, I tell you!), I feel like I'm acting.  I feel like this giant dork when I say "That's so sad" to Ben when he complains about something he didn't like. But I also am not constantly battling him either.  For some unknown reason when I respond with "That's so sad! Now go do XX" he does it. He doesn't retaliate. He realizes that he doesn't have my number so he loses all the fight that is normally in his little body. Wow.  But I'm acting and on stage and doesn't feel natural.  Tonight I just kind of shut down.  I had kept it up all weekend, but I couldn't do it tonight.  I won't say I fell back to my old ways, but I couldn't think of a logical consequence to give them for not showering.  I couldn't come up with a choice to give Ben to motivate him to want to get ready for bed.  My acting skillz ran out and I was done.

I'm not ready to throw in the towel.  I don't know that any one theory of childhood development or child-raising is foolproof.  But I'm learning and my kids are responding.  That has to be worth something, right?  I also don't want to walk around with my head in a book, waiting for it to tell me how to get my kids to stop fighting.  It's a hard balance.

Do you think you can learn to parent from a book?  Hopefully I can learn something that will last with me.

My blog by the numbers.

Back when I started my blog, I signed up for a stat counter so I could see all my "traffic" (insert "ahem".)  For a long long time, I didn't allow myself to be found on Google, but then a while ago I figured why not and let the search engines find me.

It surprises me what leads people to my blog.  I feel bad when they are looking for, say, the date of a certain book being banned and all they find is my entry of said book being on the banned list.  But I giggle at the most popular thing that brings them here.  You see, I once did an entry on two books: Catching Fire and Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol.  Now, every time someone looks on the interweb for the Catching Fire symbol (I'm guessing the mockingjay pin Katniss wore), they get my blog. How dissapointed they must be.

Anyway, I think it's amusing.  So I thought I would share it with you. The number in front is how many hits I've received out of the last 500 for said keyword.

8 catching fire symbols
6  symbols in catching fire
5  Susie wants a pair of skates
4 catching fire symbolism
4  three levels of Christmas
3  activities to do just before Christmas
3  Why was the book War Of the Worlds by H.G. Wells put on the banned book list
2  Darcy the dragon book (seriously, people look for this?)
2  things to do 4 days before Christmas
2  Random Christmas stuff
2  12 days before Christmas

So now I want to know: what random keywords bring strangers to your blog over and over?  Do any of them make you laugh?

10 for 2010

I still feel like I haven't put 2010 down in the books.  So I want to do a 10 list.  Boring, I know. But I have to have somewhere to remember all this stuff!!


10 events this Christmas that were either truly awesome or just awesome because I was so lame:

1. I forgot 3 presents until late on Christmas day.  As in, we were done watching the kids open presents and Shane looked at me and said, Didn't we get Ben a pillow pet?  Oh, yeah.  I pulled it nonchalantly out of its hiding place and stuck it behind a chair and then said, Ben, what's that??  It didn't fool them. I admitted that I had forgotten to wrap it. 
2. Then on Christmas night, I remembered the books I had bought them.  I just handed those over, too. Sigh.  Awesome, right?
3. I wanted a Nike+ watch and got one.  But then it got taken back when I realized I could use my iPod with my Nike+ sensor.  Now I just want to run a lot so that I can see my running on the Nike+ website.  Why running seems more official on a website, I don't know. But it does.
4. Shane got me a running jacket that I have worn 24/7 ever since. It has really long sleeves and holes for your thumbs to go through so you don't have to run with mittens. I wonder if people just think we had to buy the jacket with holes in it. But I don't care. It rocks.
5. Shane got a nice socket set and some drill bits.  And this is what he wanted from me.  Okay then. Boys like strange things.
6. Thomas has talked about a PokeyWalker for his Pokemon obsession for months.  He got one of those.  It has a pedometer and he likes to wear it to count his steps.  I still don't understand boy toys after 9 years.  Maybe one day I will.  Thank heaven Shane does.
7. My sweet niece announced she is pregnant with a baby girl due in April. I started to cry.  She has two boys.  Yeah.  I am very happy for her.  This means that I will have great-nieces or nephews born in April, May and June of 2011.  I better get sewing....
8. I brought home some divinity and some fudge from my moms. I'm still nibbling on the fudge.
9. It was awesome to spend our first Christmas in our new house.
10. Mm, I made breakfast casserole AND pull-a-parts.  Yum.  Really, the food was the most awesome part of Christmas.

9 things I wish I would have blogged about:

1. The awesome (if I do say so myself) wedding gift (above) I made for my bestest friend Rebecca.
2. Our San Diego trip.  We had such a good time and it totally got eclipsed by our car getting totalled the day after we got home.
3. How happy the new friend I made in my ward has made me.  We have kind of danced around each other for months, both being too shy to really make a connection, but a few weeks ago she invited me to do some service with her.  I went and we had a great time together.  Yay for tender mercies.
4. That we have only had to shovel twice this year due to our awesome retired neighbors. We come home from work and they have already snow blowed our driveway.  I was sad to leave our old house, but we really do have some nice people on our new street.
5. How I am a lot more comfortable in my house now that it's winter. During the summer, we kind of just slept here, since most of our time was spent doing our yard and other outdoor stuff.  I didn't feel really at home here until it got to be cold and we have spent so much time together in it.  I love having the family room right off the kitchen; being able to see everyone while I was cooking stuff for Thanksgiving and Christmas was a fun experience. And I love cutting fabric for projects on the island in the kitchen. It is the perfect height for a rotary cutter and mat.  I'm sure that is what they were thinking it would be used for when they built it.
6. How much I love my new-to-me sewing table Shane made for me.  I still am a novice sewer, but not having to sew over the hump has improved things vastly.
7. That I should really give up Dr. Pepper again but don't know if I have the emotional reserve to do it.  Why should something like that take such resolve? It's dumb, really.
8. I feel really, really lucky to have the job that I have. They are so good to me and it's such a great place to work.  I have worked there for 11 1/2 years, and I can't imagine ever leaving.  I know I was being watched over when they employed me.  And I appreciate what working does for me emotionally.  I can get in such a rut when I stay home because I am not used to it.  Being able to get out a few days of the week and feel appreciated does a lot for me in all aspects of my life. 
9. And conversely, how glad I am that I get to be home with my kids a few days of the week. I like being home when they get home and getting them started on their homework.  To quote Miley: The best of both worlds...

8 Meals that got us through 2010:

1. Taco Tuesday.
2. Vegetable wraps.  I started buying frozen breaded chicken breasts and adding to these. This was a great dinner until I tried to branch out on wing sauces for the chicken. Two bottles of wing sauce in a row were absolutely horrific to taste. I can still have nightmares about one of them.  If you aren't sure if it's good or not, don't make it part of dinner.
3. Breakfast casserole.  I first made this for Thomas' baptism.  I love having breakfast for dinner.
4. Red burritos.  Amy shared this with me years ago.  I love to make them to take when I get asked to make a meal for someone in the ward.  They can feed 4 or 14 with very little effort.  I add a pouch of Uncle Ben's Spanish Rice to mine.  Mmm.
5. Spaghetti.  My kids hate spaghetti noodles, so I make it with garden rotini noodles.  Mm.
6. Pizza.  Shane makes a mean pizza.  We like pepperoni, olives and pineapple.
7. Eggles.  This is something Shane invented.  Toast a bagel.  Top one side with provolone cheese and add a fried egg.  Oh, it's so good I could eat them every day.
8. Pasta salad and hamburgers.  We ate this dinner for most Sunday nights until it got cold.  I make a pasta salad with a sun-dried tomato dressing that is really good (if I do say so myself.)

7 babies I made blankets for:

1. Zach (born in 2009, but I didn't finish the blanket until 2010!)
2. Kaysen
3. Lucy
4. Mia
5. Elsie
6. Baby Johnson
7. Baby Figlioli (these last two were from my new ward and I can't remember the names of the babies! Ach, I am getting old.)

6 shows we watched a lot:

1. Mad Men.  We went through all three seasons this year.  I feel it is a guilty pleasure, because it isn't a very...upstanding show.  But the story line is amazingly good and the actors are so believable.  I'm hooked.
2. Phineas and Ferb.  Can I admit that I love these cartoon characters?  They are so good natured and don't have evil laughs like the characters on Cartoon Network. Does anyone else hate CN?
3. The finale of Lost.  Sorry, Britt: I loved it.  It was perfect, in my opinion.  There was such an elegance to the end.  The show was always so open to interpretation that I liked seeing what they would have done had they made it to LAX after all.
4. 30 Rock.  That Tina Fey is so smart.  Naughty, but very smart and hilarious.
5. Glee.  I have gotten addicted lately. 
6. The Office.  We have loved this one for a while now.

5 things I want to do better in 2011:

1. Do things for my kids the first time.  I put them off and then expect them to do what I ask the first time I ask it.  It smacks of hypocrisy and I want to weed it out.  This will be hard for me!!!  I also need to be more patient.  I respond too often with impatience.
2. Teach my kids about service.  The other day, we went around helping some neighbors clear driveways of snow.  Thomas came out with me and kept saying, this is awesome, helping people.  I realized I have done little to inspire service in my children.
3. Get back to running regularly.  Do some weight training or something to work away all this jiggle.
4. Make little steps around the house to make things go smoother.  I have been reading the FlyLady emails, and while I don't think I can do all of them (getting dressed right off the bat is just not going to happen!!) I like the idea of a lot of them.
5. Try to do things to make other's lives better and brighten their life.  Receiving notes in the mail always makes me happy so I'd like to do that for others more.

4 best days of 2010:

1. June 18-19.  Ragnar.  I know I have talked a lot about this, but I just had such a good time with it.  I am the team captain for our 2011 team, gulp.  I hope it goes okay.
2. September 27, when we pulled back into San Diego.  I loved returning to our beach vacation. And being able to share it with my niece, nephew, and great-nieces was just perfect.
3. July 10, when we put down our sod.  It was awesome to finally have a yard again!!
4. November 1, when we finally had real insurance (with dental!!) for the first time in 5 years. Sigh of relief.  So glad we have it.

3 songs I listened to a lot:

1. Beyonce, All the Single Ladies.  Not a song I would normally love, but I do.
2. Prince, Little Red Corvette.  It's old as the hills, but will always remind me of 2010.
3. Neal Diamond, America. I added this to my iPod before Ragnar and will always remember listening to it on my first leg.

2 things I'm looking forward for in 2011:

1. That we have 9am church.  It sucks waking everyone up, but I love having it be done and over by lunchtime.
2. Watching my new bulbs come up this spring.  I planted crocus, daffodils, and tons of tulips last fall. I can't wait for them to emerge!! It was hard to leave my bulbs from my old house.

1 thing I want to do more of:

1. Enjoying my boys.  Not getting so annoyed at their boyishness. This is my last year of having 2 kids under 10 years old. Soon I will have a tween; soon both my kids will be in all day school; soon they will be bigger than I ever imagined them being.  I have to enjoy them now.

Cat door: A tutorial

Ever since we have moved, I have had my cat box in my laundry room.  Ick.  I was used to having it downstairs and so I hated having it so, well, obvious.

Well, my smart hubby and me took care of that this week! 

Start with a plastic cat mat, purchased from the PetSmart. 

Bring out a ruler, sharpie, and cutting utensils.  Use the ruler to cut the mat according to the size dictated by the hole in your door (ours was 8.5 x 8)

Throw in some fleece to edge the cat mat with (I used an old scarf that had a nice finished edge).  I was worried that the cut edge of the cat mat would trap my cats ears and tails, so I thought a nice fleece edge would make the whole experience of going through the cat door a little nicer.

 

Use a hot glue gun to glue the fleece to the edge.

Voila!!

Enter the door. Shane had already cut and trimmed the door before we decided to do a cat flap.  Here he is sanding the door (or maybe caulking, the kid loves caulk more than me sometimes. It's much smoother and neater, for one...)

Add a little wood glue, and a a staple gun for good measure.

Glue and/or staple the cat flap to the door.  Cover it with trim. Tape and/or clamp. This step might have to be repeated.

Enter some cats. 

Yeah, they pretty much ignore the cat door. You may have to show them what to do. (Translation: push them through the door and wait for them to come back through it on their own.)

Ta da!  They can get through one way, hopefully they will figure out how to go through the other way.