Tuesday, March 25, 2008

And pictures...


I took some pictures this weekend, so I thought I would post a few.


Ben hates to have his picture taken. Believe me, this was the best one.




This is Shane's mom with Thomas. Her name is Vonnay, but she used to have a dog named Posha, so she is now called "Grandma Posha."


Vonnay again with Ben.


This is my dad with Ben and his cousin Kaleb.



The mountain "face" I was talking about in my last post. Can you see the little pointy nose, and shadowy eye on the left? If my parents ever move, I will miss looking at this old friend.


I have a few others, but I can't get them to post. Have a great day!

Monday, March 24, 2008

Random Easter recap

Easter came too early this year. My spring decorations are still in their boxes in the basement, and winter/Valentines still reigns in my living room. For Easter to be over and done with before I’ve even registered that it is spring just seems so unbelievable.

One of my favorite days used to be the day before the time change. That first, fresh April day would dawn, and I knew that spring had arrived. Within 24 hours, the daylight would last longer, and I could look forward to evening walks with the kids, later sunsets, and spring bulbs bursting all over my yard. Now the time change comes so early that it hardly seems remarkable. The change in the air that used to come with the time change is gone. Now it’s just the drudgery of getting up an hour earlier and being grateful that it’s still dark when the kids are ready to go to bed (I will admit, that is the ONLY improvement to the new time change day). And early April and longer days and warmer weather to me is synonymous with Easter. Combine this lack of enthusiasm and constant sleepiness (I miss my extra hour of sleep!), I feel cheated that Easter is already over. What do we look forward to now? Memorial Day? Gee, thanks.

Despite all of this, Easter itself was a great day. Easter is one of the two holidays that I pull out my scriptures and we read them together as a family (the other is Christmas Eve). I look forward to reading the account in John about the Savior appearing to Mary. I love when it describes Mary’s anguish over the loss of the Lord, and how she mistakes him for the gardener. I love how he turns to her, and all he has to say is “Mary.” With that one word, she knows it is the Lord. She can’t understand yet why he is there, but she knows that something miraculous has happened and she is standing with the man that she loves and reveres. I always get a little teary as I read it, but I look forward to those few moments at breakfast each year. If I don’t get any other spiritual sustenance the rest of the day, I am happy for those few moments of reading together.

The rest of the day was spent hurrying to church and home again to get ready to visit our moms’ houses. It’s funny to me how I always know exactly what I can expect at the houses we visit on holidays. At Shane’s mom’s house, it will just be us, quietly chatting with Vonnay while the kids play. At my mom’s house, it will be chaos, with 80 million people going in 20 different directions, and all those directions trying to avoid some sort of drama. After a family gathering last weekend that was oozing in family drama, I was glad that this one was relatively drama-free (although I found out that this was due to some familial interference {read: don’t say anything about you-know-what! Whatever.}) But we had a fun Easter-egg hunt, yummy food and good conversation, so there wasn’t much to complain about.

I realized yesterday that 2008 may be the last Easter that we spend at my mom’s house, which is the house I grew up in. My dad has Alzheimers, and as it progresses there will be some changes my mom will make, and moving will eventually be one of them. It is strange to think of having Christmases and Easters and Thanksgivings anywhere else, but one day soon, it will change. I tried to be a little more thoughtful in my picture taking yesterday because of this. I took a few of the mountains as I left town, thinking that the familiar mountain face that I used to stare out at during dinner time and that has lorded over my parent’s backyard over the years will one day be looked at by a different family; a different family will be hiding eggs in my dad’s carefully-planned flower beds. A poem that Amy posted on her blog yesterday could not have been more timely.

Looking over this post, I realize it is really random. But I know I would be sad if I didn’t put these thoughts somewhere. And to keep it random, I’ll share this: I am so looking forward to tonight when I use the rest of my carefully dyed Easter eggs to make egg-salad sandwiches for dinner. My kids think it’s gross, but Shane and I love them.

I hope everyone had a great Easter! Now go and eat some of your kid's leftover candy.

Friday, March 21, 2008

In praise of Faramir


I've been listening to The Two Towers at work lately. At one point in my life, I really loved the whole Lord of the Rings Trilogy, and then the movies came out, which damaged that love. After the movies, I discovered that when I read Fellowship, I was anxious the whole time to GET to places; I wanted to get out of the Old Forest, I wanted to get to Rivendale, I wanted to get to Moria. I couldn't enjoy the once-loved story because of my impatience with the aspects of getting somewhere. Then, I discovered, I really can't stand Frodo. He whines the entire time during Return of the King; really, if you think about it, most of that book is told from Sam's point of view, and he becomes the real hero. But I digress.


So, after a much needed break, I started listening to the trilogy again this year. I made it through Fellowship without too much angst over "getting places." I loved listening to the first half of The Two Towers, where you follow the Aragorn/Legolas/Gimli trio as well as the Merry/Pippin combo. I will say that the movies have vastly improved my, ahem, image of Aragorn and his story (read: he's freakin' hot!). And when I moved into the Frodo/Sam story in the second half of TTT, I went with the flow


This past week I found myself at the point when Faramir enters the tale, and I've decided Aragorn has some competition. Now, in the movie, the depiction of Faramir is totally off. His attempt at taking Frodo to Minas Tirith and wanting the Ring is exactly the opposite of how it happens in the book. He says twice, in fact, that had he found the Ring sitting by the side of the road, he would pass it by without a second thought. Faramir is truly a friend to Frodo, and I love the role he plays in the book. This is how I see it:


Frodo is alone, in the wilderness, with an devoted servant and a haggard, evil-hearted guide. For all he knows, all of his other friends who set out on the quest with him have been killed, and even if they haven't, they are hundreds of miles away from him and cannot help him. He has been given the task of destroying the Ring, but the person he has to trust Gollum to accomplish this is Gollum, and Gollum doesn't inspire trust. And then he meets Faramir.


Faramir gives Frodo and Sam the comfort and protection of a place to sleep that is guarded by good men. He feeds them good food and drink. His wisdom and smart questioning allows Frodo and Sam to confide their true mission to him. Finally, a person who can advise them, who can truly know their errand and the burden that the errand places on them. The day and night that Frodo and Sam (and later Gollum) spend with Faramir are an oasis; they offer them a much needed break from the terror of the journey, and Faramir gives them some necessary council to aid them.


As I listened to this part of the book, I thought of the safety that Faramir offered and all that it represents. Sometimes, when I feel the weight of my burdens, that even though there are others around me, I feel alone and unsafe. At these times, I want wanted someone like Faramir to come out of the wilderness, take me in, give me shelter and food and safety for a night, and let me share my true burden. Someone who is wiser than me, who can, like Faramir, listen to my guarded words and see through the holes and understand what I can't say. Who can see my path and tell me where I am headed and what that place is truly called.


I don't mean to say that I have a horrible life or that I feel this way all the time. But those few times when it all seems to come crashing down, when it all gets too much and I don't know where to turn or what to do, it would be a blessing to find an oasis to take me out of the terror of the world. I wish for a Faramir to show up and tell me what to do and let me know it will be alright. I want someone who is just there for me. It's selfish, but I think we all sometimes want that feeling of safety. The sobering thought is that it really is all up to us; like Frodo, even when we find our momentary oasis, we still have to go back out in the world at some point and face it. Even Faramir couldn't complete Frodo's task for him. The wisest councilor still can't take away that moment of truth when we face our burden head on. But finding that councilor can give us the courage we need to finish the task at hand.


I think that this is what makes me love the Lord of the Rings the most. Those little bits of truth that are enbedded in it. Some of my favorite lines out of all of literature come from these books because they don't just apply to the characters in the books, they apply to my life and the challenges that I face. To tell a good story is one thing, but to make people think about life in a new way is quite another.


I'm glad I didn't give up on Frodo at his companions. I hope that my newly discovered love of them can continue, and that I can find other things that make me think about my life.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

A thoughtful gift

When I was a little girl, my grandma had this cool bowl that was always present at family functions. It was cream colored with a little orange flower motif and a gold rim. It was such a permanant fixture that I never really thought about whether I liked it or not; it was just Grandma's cool bowl.


When Grandma died, the bowl passed down to my sister Suzette. I didn't think much of it. When I got married, I noticed my mother-in-law Vonnay had a couple of bowls and a few other pieces with the same flower motif, so I asked her about it. She said they were made by Jewel Tea, which sold its wares door-to-door in the early & mid-part of the 20th century. I've admired the pieces greatly from a distance, especially a creamer and sugar bowl that would fit in nicely with some other creamer/sugar pieces I've gotten from Vonnay, my grandpa, and my mom. After dinner at her house a few months, I requested that if she ever felt the need to part with any of the pieces, I would like first pick. I meant, you know, in the way distant future; I certainly didn't expect them any time soon.

So, imagine how excited when, after dinner last night, Vonnay told me I had a few treasures in the bag she had placed in my car. I eagerly asked if I could see the contents before we left. To my delight, she had carefully wrapped up the creamer and sugar bowls for me. With a hug and a kiss, she told me to find a special place for them to be shown. I felt a little guilty at being greedy, but very grateful also. These will have a doubly special place in my heart, since they will remind me both of my kind grandma, and my sweet mother-in-law.

Since they are so pretty and make me so happy, I wanted to share them with my friends & family who visit me here. Are there special items you collect? Am I the only greedy daughter/daughter-in-law who asks for their inheritance years in advance?


The sugar bowl. I love the little pointy lid!




The creamer.

It's almost a shame that I don't drink coffee and they will never be used for their true intent.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Cramping her style...

So, one of our 3 cats had an adventure the other day.

In my ongoing effort to try harder, I hurridly put on my makeup as I was leaving for work on Tuesday. Nothing seemed strange as I shut the drawer after I shoved my make up bag back inside and I raced off to work.

Note: this was at 6:45 am.

At 5:15 pm, I came home. I went into the bathroom to get something for the kids and I heard a tiny "mew?" I open the cabinet drawer, nothing. Open the other cabinet, nothing. Open the bottom and middle drawers (read: large drawers), nothing.

Finally I open the top drawer, which is the smallest (maybe 6 inches tall, max). Out jumps our cat Bucket. She spent over 10 hours in a drawer. I felt a little bad for her, but come on, if you are dumb enought to climb in the drawer, I guess it serves you right to have to spend the rest of the day there.

We all got a pretty good laugh about it. And Bucket seems no worse for the wear.

The never ending adventures of a 3-cat, 2-kid home. Who knew?

Thursday, March 13, 2008

So once upon a time, I went to school at UVSC. I had just come home from my year at Virginia Tech, and my great experience there had made me little jaded towards the University of Utah. UVSC was close to where my parents lived and to places that I could work. So, I enrolled and spent 3 lovely semesters at what I deemed "my cute little school where you never have to walk outside."


(I always have to tell a story within a story, so you know, bear with me!). While in Virginia, I had danced with one of the school's modern dance companies, and I had such a great experience, I figured I would do the same at UVSC. So I spent a year dancing with UVSC's Synergy Dance Company, which was one of the best years I had in college. I got to perform, choreograph, travel, and make some great friends and memories. When I think of my college years, the year I spent on Synergy is one of the highlights.


So, imagine my great surprise and delight when my niece Jacqui received a dance scholarship at UVSC. I told her that when she had a concert, she needed to invite me. So, last Thursday, I found myself driving to "my cute little school" to watch her dance.

It's funny to visit places that we once knew. Since I was late (typical!) I had to be creative in my choice of parking lots, so I ended up in a parking lot that was near where the dance rooms are (the same dance rooms I had spent countless hours in once upon a time). As I rushed by them, I thought of how similar and yet how unfamiliar it all was. The distance from the dance rooms to the theatre where Jacqui would perform was a lot farther than I had remembered. Had I really roamed these halls in my youth? Had the carpet always been green? What types of classrooms were housed in the new addition to the north of the dance rooms? Back then, the building ended there. I tried to call up a ghost of myself, but I couldn't find her.

Instead, the ghosts I saw were inspired by Jacqui. Jacqui danced in two "pieces," both choreographed by other students. I bided my time until the third piece and waited eagerly for her to come on stage. At first, the costumes, music, and movement disappointed me. But once I saw Jacqui, I lost all other senses. I sat there, on the second row of the Ragan Theatre and bawled my eyes out at how beautiful she was. Her movement was perfection; it radiated out of every limb. Her whole heart and soul were out there. As I searched in vain for a tissue to wipe my streaming eyes and nose, the ghosts I found were of Jacqui as a 5 year old, holding a yellow umbrella as she danced to "Singing in the Rain." I saw the ghost of the high school girl, performing her solo in dance competitions amongst hundreds of other young hopefuls. That she had matured into this beautiful, confident, radiant woman dancing on that familiar stage blew me out of my seat. I see Jacqui all the time at family dinners and celebrations, but I realized that I hadn't really seen her in years and I realized how grown up she had become. It was humbling and exhilarating all at once. Another one of my "little girls" has grown up.

After Jacqui's second piece (which was equally as beautiful) I went and found her and we chatted together until she had to go prepare for the final bows. Since I had come by myself and all her family and friends would come another night, I had her all to myself for a few precious minutes. Talking and laughing with her I realized again how much she has grown up. I also realized that even though I had come to see her in a space that I had once occupied, it wasn't about me. Even if I had danced with Synergy 11 years ago, even if I did perform on that same Ragan Theatre stage, even if the artistic director was someone I knew from way back when, it wasn't my former life I was visiting, it was Jacqui's current, living life.

The spaces we inhabit grow with us while we inhabit them, but when we leave, they move on. As much as we sometimes wish we could, you can't ever really go back. Either a new building will be in the place where once there was a parking lot, or they will change the carpet or the old teacher will die and a new one will take her place. Even our fondest memories cannot be resurrected. Our ghosts may whisper to us, but they won't gather themselves out of the dust and allow us to inhabit them. And, for as much as we treasure them, no one else will love them quite as much as we do.

I guess what this really boils down to is that my life today will one day be a memory. What things from today's life will I wish I could call up tomorrow? The sweetness of my three year old's laugh? The pride that Thomas feels at a perfect score on a spelling test? The nights spent on the porch in the summer, watching my plants sway in the breeze? If I can't call up my ghosts again, if their dust, once scattered, is gone, then I need to inhabit my life fully so that when I look back, they will be even sweeter than those I treasure from the days way back when.

Friday, March 7, 2008

No wonder I've had poor results...

The "L" page of The Furry Animal Alphabet Book regarding llamas:

"When Llamas get upset, they kick, hiss, and refuse to move. Sometimes they will even spit."

I thought I was raising a 3-year old HUMAN; what I've really got is a Llama.

Who knew?

There is a remarkable resemblance...

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Remembering Virginia Tech

During my second year at the University of Utah, I decided to participate in the National Student Exchange program. This meant that I could pick a state school anywhere in the country to attend for a school year, all while paying my own school's tuition.

It sounded like a perfect opportunity. I had never been anywhere farther east than South Dakota, and had never lived anywhere but Utah. The whole country was open to me. Somehow, I came across a little school in Southern Virginia called Virginia Tech. I can still remember watching their school video and how happy their students seemed, how pretty the campus was, how the small town surrounding it seemed like a nice place to live.

The year I spent at "Tech" (as the locals like to call it) was a year that changed me. I had never lived so far away from my family before. I learned about email, and spent almost every night writing long epistles to my mom and sister Amy. I made some really good friends who opened up their lives and homes to me when I was too far away to come home for holidays. I learned how college was supposed to be, complete with dorms, roommates, yucky dining hall food, spring breaks in Florida, Thanksgivings spent at friends houses. I lived the college life, participated in activities, actually had some school spirit. The Virginia Tech campus became more than a campus: it was my home. I walked its paths daily.

Main Eggleston Hall, the building where my dorm room was.


Burrus Hall, which was directly across the Drillfield (a large grassy area in the middle of campus, surrounded by buildings) from my dorm. When I looked out my dormroom window, this was the scene that greeted my eyes.

About a year ago, a young man decided he needed to take out his loneliness and frustration out on his fellow Virginia Tech students with a couple of guns and a lot of ammunition. Within a day, the news was full of Virginia Tech photos and stories, and they all showed images of places dear to my heart. While I didn't have any classes in the building where most of the shootings took place, I remember the area of campus that it was in. The residence hall where he began his rampage had housed a few of my friends and acquaintances.

For a few days, I couldn't turn on my TV without seeing something about my dear school. On the night following the shooting, the students all gathered on the Drillfield for a candlelight vigil. All I could think of as I watched the footage was my own gathering on the drillfield on the Sunday night before classes started. On that night, there were hamburgers and hot dogs and veggie burgers by the thousands for all the students housed in the dorms. There were kids playing hackey sack and throwing frisbees; other older students finding friends from previous years, while the new first year students sat in uncomfortable circles next to their RA (residence assistant) who plied them with questions of where they were from and what they would study. The feeling of camaraderie was there that night, and I knew a similar feeling was being created even through the sadness on the night of the candlelight vigil.

A few days after the incident, the whole school gathered for a convocation of prayer and song and healing. Thanks to the internet, I watched as leaders of many faiths from around the area offered words of comfort and praise to the students. I cried for the loss of innocence that had occured in a place so beloved to me, and to many other thousands of people who had walked its paths.

It's a crazy world we live in. I know that the shootings at Virgina Tech aren't unique; sadly, there have been many such events in the past few years. I'm sure others felt the same sadness I felt during Columbine, and the recent shootings at Northern Illinois University. But for me, the events last April at Virginia Tech were incredibly personal. You never think it can happen in your town, at your school, or to someone in your life. I am sad for everyone who has felt this loss of innocence.

I will end with an address from Nikki Giovanni's address at the convocation after the shootings.

We are Virginia Tech.

We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning.

We are Virginia Tech.

We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly, we are brave enough to bend to cry, and we are sad enough to know that we must laugh again.

We are Virginia Tech.

We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy.

We are Virginia Tech.

The Hokie Nation embraces our own and reaches out with open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness.

We are the Hokies.

We will prevail.

We will prevail.

We will prevail.

We are Virginia Tech.