has got up and went.
I don't know what has happened to me. I just feel so...blah. We just got back from our much looked-forward-to vacation. A vacation that duplicated and in many ways exceded our vacation from last year. During last year's trip, I could hardly sleep at night because I was so excited to wake up and run in the morning. All night I would check the clock, watching the hours tick by until I could head outside into the rising sun along the deserted beach. I even kept the sand that came off my shoes (man, what loser I was!)
Last week, that drive and excitement was missing. Don't get me wrong, I still was having a great time on vacation. I just wasn't so eager to escape to my morning runs. I couldn't find that same excitement, that same drive to get out there. I still went, but I felt the same sluggish reluctance in my body that has plagued me at home for the last couple of months. I swear it's that stupid blood donation that did it to me. Which makes no sense at all. Or maybe it's the fact that my lungs don't want to expand the way they used to. I hate not feeling like I can breath. I pisses me off when I wheeze walking up the stairs to my room (seriously? 12 stairs make me wheeze?) It always makes me think of that terrible line in The Hand that Rocks the Cradle when Rebecca De Mornay tells Annabella Sciorra "When push comes to shove... you can't even breathe!"
I know, I know. I'm being whiny (thus the label above declaring it's a post where I whine.) But I want my mojo back. I want to feel that joy that running used to bring me. I want back what I lost...somewhere. I don't know why it has left me. I still get excited to talk about running, but it feels like I'm a fraud once I'm out there, slogging through the streets. I even had the thought today as I left work of just stopping, hanging up my shoes and moving on to something else. I don't think that's ever happened.
Is it just a cycle I'm going through? Is it all in my head? Was I never so fleet of foot as I remember being? Maybe it's always been hard. But I want the reluctance to go away, both of body and spirit. I want back what I had 3 months ago. But I don't remember how or where or why it left me.
3 comments:
It'll come back, Becky! Just power through! Or take up circus performing. (There was a band in Seattle that had circus performers. You would be so good at that.)
YES!!!!!! It is just a phase. I get this way with running sometimes, too. I think that, even though it is good for us & awesome & great, you still need a break once in awhile. I have decided that after my half, I'm ditching running for three months. I'm going to try consistent spin classes at the gym instead.
What I think you need is a nice long hike. Like...Timp??? ;) (It has snow on it this morning...but it's still totally hikeable!)
Ebb and Flow, dear. It's just a cycle. You'll be running circles around everyone in no time. Enjoy the break!:)
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