Friday, February 17, 2012

February love number 11

7 years ago right now, I was at the hospital with Shane. We had arrived (on time, which was an improvement over the first time around) promptly and were shown to our room. I stopped in the pre-dawn light outside the hospital to take a picture of my enormous belly - I still remember the black shirt and jeans I was wearing under my coat.

From there the day commenced. I can remember trailing my IV pole as I visited the bathroom again and again. Since I was being induced, I couldn't walk the halls as they portray women in labor on the TV (I wouldn't know if it really happens - I never could go into labor on my own.) We watched When Harry Met Sally. We chatted on the phone with parents and siblings and whoever we could think of. We waited and waited and then, at 6:30 in the evening  I had a little blond baby in my arms. Oh, he was so sweet and chubby and content. And so Benjamin entered the world.

Ben was ready to come to this earth. He's always always known exactly what he wants, and once he gets it, he's the happiest kid in the world. He loves to draw and color and write little notes to people. He has a very sweet heart and a very mischievous character. His current passion is kicking a soccer ball all over the house, which makes me kinda crazy but it is cute to watch him playing and being passionate about something.

Ben's best friend in the whole world is his brother. Every morning since he was very little his first words have been "Where's Thomas?" It is his personal mission in life to both make happy and annoy Thomas. I love that they love each other so much.

I never really thought much about February until after I had him. It's always seemed like such a cold and dreary month. But now I kind of love February. It's kind of like the gateway month to spring and Easter and my bulbs coming up. I love that him having a birthday during this month makes it a little more special.

Oh, how I wish I could go back just for one second to that day. The moment I had Ben - the very second he left my body I remember so clearly - I thought: I want to do that again. I wanted to have that special bond with just one more human being and be able to bring them into this world and be their mom. It hasn't happened again and I haven't forgotten that moment - I still want that. I loved being pregnant and I loved the days my babies were born more than any others in my life. No other days feel like that (well, except the day that my dad died - it is amazing how similar they felt - maybe it is the influence of the veil being so close and thin that makes those days so uncommonly special.) But this post isn't about me and my longings it's about Ben and how much I love him. Except that somehow him being born and my longings get caught up in one another because they are so wrapped up in one another.

Happy seventh birthday to my sweet little Benjamin. I thank God every single day for giving him to me. He brings so much light and happiness to my life.