Randomalities - July Edition

• I put blond highlights in my hair about a month ago. I hates them, Precious. I always like when my hair is dark, not light, so what was I thinking? (Well, what I was thinking is I wanted to get my hair done, but I was being cheap and so I thought, hey, highlights are at least something. [But a sucky something, I'm finding out.] And so with it being summer and the pool visits and swimming that go along with it, I thought it would be good to do them) Now I want summer to be over so I can go and get my hair colored nice and dark. That feels so far away.
• I was the photographer at my brother and new sister-in-law's wedding. It was horribly stressful. But sort of fun. I learned a lot. I was super glad I took a bunch of photos of the kids before the wedding started; I could see what worked and what didn't with the setting of the wedding. They got married under a tree, so I had to use the flash, which I usually avoid using. Furthermore, I kept thinking I was done, or moving into the sunlight and pushing down the flash only to move back into the shade and subsequently forgetting my flash wasn't up. (Thank heaven for photo editing software!) I was pretty happy with most of the shots, and particularly proud of a couple. The worst moment? When I realized, after the bride had come walked down the aisle, that my camera was on manual. Those 10 shots were all pure white. I was sick about it (I sort of still am.) You learn more from your mistakes than your successes, right?
• My kids are taking diving lessons this summer. It is cool watching them learn something new. Most of what they have done is learning jumps and approaches; sort of boring, but they are working hard.
• Thomas is almost taller than me. He grows every single day, I swear. And his hands are bigger than mine. What is happening?
• I've been wanting a "gig" for a while - you know, just something on the side, not my main job, but a way to earn some extra money. Last year when I was saving for Italy, I found a website who needed writers. It took almost a year, but I finally got to the top of their waiting list and started writing for them in May. It isn't glamorous (I've written about granite countertops, screen doors, nail salons, and other random items) but hey, it's some extra money. And sorta fun. When I write a lot, my brain works better for some reason.
• I'm officially 39. I've got to commemorate this year somehow.
• Ragnar happened. But it was the highest of highs, the lowest of lows. I had a flat out tantrum at the finish line, got three blisters, one black toenail, and three tubes of my beloved Ragnar chapstick. I took very few pictures. My heart just wasn't in it this year. I think I am retiring for a while. Which makes me sad because Ragnar is summer now.
• I went running today. I forgot to start my running watch, so when I looked down to see how long I'd been running and how far, it showed nothing. It was sort of liberating. This has been a really hard running year; my body feels sluggish, I'm slow, my breathing sucks, I'm taking walk breaks. Somehow, realizing that I wasn't being timed, that I didn't have to berate myself for another slow run was just what I needed. I took my time, my mental attitude changed, and the run was great. I was still slow and sluggish and wheezy, but I finished happier than I have of late. Maybe I should try that more often. 

And, because I'm random, here are some random pics.

Thomas took this pic. I love it so much! (But not the highlights...)

He is so handsome.

My favorite photo from the wedding. I love the heart they are making with their arms.

 Shane with his dad, sons, and nephew. 8 months ago, this picture would have been impossible. It makes my heart happy.

 What is random in your life?

Stubborn.

Subtitle: I always think I know best. I might be bossy, or have certain control issues.

I have a serious stubborn streak. (This is not news to my husband.) Don't tell me I can't do something. Don't suggest something would work better. Don't take a route that I think is slower. Don't hint that the way that I've been doing something is the wrong way, or that it could be done better. 90% of the time, I won't listen to you, I won't try your way, I won't back down.

For instance, I stubbornly believed I could only run in Nike Zoom Structures for four years, buying the same exact model three years in a row. The first pair I bought in the store. The second I found on clearance at Nordstrom rack. The third came from Zappos, and the last pair, a model that was two years out of date, came from an exhaustive search that ended at e-bay (but they were pink. My first pink running shoes. I shed a tear that I wouldn't be finding another pair the next year.)

From left to right: I had two of the first pair and second pairs that were identical to the ones pictured. The middle pink pair were my last Nikes, sniff. The fourth pair are the evil shoes I just retired, and the last pair are my newest hope.

This year, I decided I had to go away from my Nikes. So I went to the sporting good store and bought what I thought was the best pair of shoes. I sort of let the sales person help me, but mostly I just went off of what I thought was best, and ended up with some Brooks Adrenaline. They were pink and felt good in the store, so I figured I had succeded in moving away from my Nikes.

The shoes were okay for about a week. Then my right calf started aching after every run, which made my knee ache (I cannot explain how calf and knee pain go together, but whatever. They did.) Then I got a blister on the very tip of my left big toe; not a regular, easily treated blister, but a swelling just under the surface that made every barefoot step like a little bee sting. It took two months for that to go away. Meanwhile, still I have the annoying aching. And 5 miles into a run, my toes on my right foot would go numb. But still I remained stubbornly sure that they were weren't the problem, because the idea of the shoes fits the belief I have of what kind of running shoes are best for me.

I started dreading putting my shoes on. Finally this week I decided I had enough. This morning, shortly after they opened, I went to a running store I've never tried before. The nice Chinese man who owned the store watched me walk, asked what I've been running in, and then declared I needed a neutral shoe (there are three kinds of running shoes: neutral, neither support or cushion, but in the middle, stability, which I've always worn, which keep feet from pronating, and cushion, which, you guessed it, are cushiony.) I immediately started to argue, stating the 5 years of running in my Nikes as proof that I needed a good stability shoe. "No. Try neutral." he told me, and got his very helpful assistant to bring me a pair of shoes that I planned on hating and sending back after much wise council on my part that they were altogether wrong for me.

Except...I loved them. The Brooks Ghost 6 neutral running shoe he brought me were awesome. They have a wide width, which he assured would help me avoid mid-run toe numbness. The arch supports, being much less than what I've been running with, were perfect for my left foot, which is always a nightmare to fit. They felt really cushy and good and springy and I decided that I must put my pride in my pocket and let the nice Chinese man and his assistant tell me that I was wrong in my prior belief in types of appropriate running footwear.

Believe you me, it was hard. I called in the troops (Shane) for a consult. He told me that they sounded great, the reviews were good on them, and encouraged me to trust the men and let them tell me what to do. The guilt of buying another pair of running shoes just 3 months after buying the last pair was overwhelming. The risk that they might not feel good mid-run and being non-returnable almost made me leave the store and order them on Zappos or Amazon, where a return was more likely. But, after much debate and walking around the store, I bought them.

Gulp.

I didn't hesitate to try them out today. My feet felt happier than they have in months. I am 2.5 hours post-run and my calf still feels good (I almost can't keep that sentence for fear of jinxing myself.)

I keep learning this lesson. That's its ok to let others be the expert sometimes. That I won't be hurting myself by listening to someone else. I might have a problem with pride. I might be resistant to letting letting males boss me around. (Even writing that makes me twitch and want to justify this aspect of my personality. Geesh.)

Maybe it's the very female house I was raised in. Maybe it's a lifetime of watching my mom, who very rarely lets others tell her what is best for her. Maybe it's just a human thing. It might be related to my control issues, or because I was OCD in my youth about which gymnastics leo I could wear on what day to make sure I didn't get into trouble. Or maybe, maybe, maybe.

I'm learning. The world kept spinning, even thought I did what the man told me I should do.

I might try it again sometime.

Race: Bloomsday 2014 - Serious ninja skillz

The first weekend in May has taken on a new connotation in our family: Bloomsday. Well, at least for me and Shane; the kids just think of it as the weekend we spend with our besties in Spokane.

We left last Thursday, feeling super cool because we were able to fly this year. Man, it's amazing that a one and a half hour flight can take the place of 12 hours in the car. Actually, I don't mind the drive - the part through Northern Montana and Idaho are so pretty, that it makes up for some of the drive. But at the same time: being able to spend more time with our friends and less time driving was great.

Most of the weekend was spent hanging out with our John and Mel. We ate a ton of yummy food. The kids ran around, making houses in the "forest" near their house, jumping on the trampoline, climbing trees, and playing with the dog. We had as much fun as possible.

Sunday was the race. The weather called for rain, so I wore lots of layers. Luckily, it didn't rain. The race was as beautiful as I remembered from last year. Some of my favorite moments:

• Running past the Cathedral of our Lady of Lourdes. I anticipated the church this year, and I was excited to see the priests out on the street, waving at the crowd. (I even took a selfie with them in the background.) I have an extreme wish to one day tour the cathedral; all of the cathedrals in Italy gave me quite a love for old churches, and so I decided that whenever we travel, we will tour a church or cathedral in the area. We didn't make it this year, but maybe next.
• Seeing the crowds of people cheering the runners.
• The beautiful cemetery near the first water station. There are so many trees, and it just looks so peaceful.
• Weaving in and out of so many runners. At Bloomsday, you are never, ever alone, unlike at Ragnar. I like knowing what it's like to run with 45,000 + runners.
• Running down the hill near the river before Doomsday Hill.
• Doomsday Hill. I never have met a hill I didn't like (well, at least once I'm on top of it.)
• The vulture, who I suspect wasn't a real person, at the top of Doomsday Hill.
• The bridge at the finish line. It is so pretty. With the river rushing beneath and downtown Spokane all around it - such a lively, energetic place to have the finish. Plus seeing it teeming with people as they finish the race isn't too bad, either.
• The old man who finished the race, only to find his little wife with a cane standing next to the bridge, waiting for him. She hugged him fiercely, and then he started to cry. And then I started to cry. You could tell what an effort it had been for him, and how relieved he was. Sniff.
• A tiny old lady, wearing running shorts and a tank top, running the race. She had to be in her late 70s. I want to be just like her when I am 70; still running, still out there, with a heathly body I can still trust to get me to the finish line.
• Finishing with Shane, holding hands across the finish line.

So, I mentioned some awesome ninja skills that I displayed. At about mile 5.25, I was runing through a lovely downtown Spokane neighborhood. The trees were shading my way, and I was deciding that I was ready to get the show on the road and finish the race. I sped up a little. I'm not sure what happened, but I stepped off a curb (I think!) and found myself stumbling. I kept trying to pull out of it, but found I couldn't. So, I took the next option available: tucked my chin to my chest and dive rolled out of the fall. The jolt of the asphalt was lovely on my head and my butt. When I realized what had happened, I just sat there, in the middle of the road, runners streaming past me. I finally got up and started running. However, I really, really wanted to cry but was trying not to (I kept remembering the hardness of the street on my head; I hate that!) and so I promptly began to hyperventilate. I walked for a little bit until I could breathe again and then finished the race. My head was tender, my hand and knee scraped, but it could have been so much worse.

And personally, I was pretty proud of the dive roll.

It was a great race, and a great weekend. The weather held out (I didn't dare say any prayers hoping for no rain when racing on a Sunday, ha ha.) We had a great time with our friends, our kids had a great time with their friends. I can't wait to run it again next year.

Here are some pictures.

I really want to run on this path one day...It goes all the way to Couer D'Alene

Friends who sparkle together, stay together.

A girl is trying, and failing miserably, to photo bomb us in this picture. And I love the finger of the person taking it for us. I guess it's hard to find good photography in the Honey Bucket line.

See the starting line in the distance?

I just love this church!!

Selfie with the priests

People stream across this bridge for hours and hours. Amazing!

I love running with this guy.

Book Review: The Storied Life of AJ Fikry

I was just looking back on my blog, and it's been years since I've done a book review. I've gotten lazy, apparently. So tonight I'm going to remedy that, not just for the sake of doing a book review, but because I finished The Storied Life of AJ Fikry today and I just have to write about it.

When I started it yesterday, I thought I was reading a book Amy had reviewed and I had requested from my library: The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Frye. However, the first paragraph of The Storied Life of AJ Frikry seemed so unlike the book I remembered from the review, I had to think for a minute. Eventually I remembered reading about AJ Fikry from somewhere on NPR or Amazon...I can't remember which. Either way, I'm so glad I found this book, because I enjoyed immensely.

One of my favorite things to do when I go into someone's home is to read what books are on their shelves. It is possible to tell so much about a person if you know what they read. Plus, if they are readers, I naturally have a language to talk to them in; their reactions to certain titles tell so much about their personality and their worldview. Telling another person what your favorite book is about as honest as you can be.

AJ Fikry is the owner of a small bookstore; he has definite opinions on books and their reader. The people who come into his bookstore are interesting and real. I don't want to ruin the book by giving too much of the story away. What I loved is that it is a book about books and reading and readers. I laughed out loud at some of the quotes in it; these are some of my favorites.

"Her mother likes to say that novels have ruined Amelia for real men." (Amy and I were just texting about this last night.)

"I've never really liked babies...Conversations with her lacks to say the least. We talk about Elmo, and I can't stand him by the way, but other than that, it's mainly about her. She's totally self-centered. (Yes, children are remarkable self-centered. As are preteens, as I'm coming to find out...)

"I've always wanted to try Turkish Delight in Narnia. When I read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe as a boy, I used to the think that Turkish Delight must be incredibly delicious if it made Edmund betray his family....I guess I must have told my wife this, because one year Nic gets a box for me for the holidays. And it turned out to be this powdery, gummy candy. I don't think I've ever been so disappointed in my life." (I'm can totally relate to the this - I'm heartbroken to find this out - I always imagined it like some Narnian form of General Tao's chicken. Boo that it's just candy, boo!)

"'The last thing I read...the last thing I read was this menu.' 'And the last thing I read  was your necklace.' he says. 'Maria.' The meal is perfectly cordial after that. He will never find out what Maria reads."

And, my very favorite: "Sometimes books don't find us until the right time." (Because how true is that? How perfect is it to read the exact book you need at the exact point in time you need it? It has happened to me more times than I can count.)

It is a tiny little book, only 258 pages; I read it in less than 24 hours, and went to work in during those 24 hours. I loved the story, I loved the characters, I loved the way that it made me feel connected to others simply through the act of reading.

Favorite yoga pose: Half Moon.

Today, I'm copying my friend Rebecca over at An Optimistic Explorer. She has done a series of her favorite workouts and exercises on her blog that I have inspired me. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, right?

Back in March when I went to back to Bikram yoga, I was really worried about my back. I knew I would be able to do the forward bends (but they sort of freaked me out also; I dread coming out of them and feeling any twinge of pain down my leg!), but I worried about the backward ones. To my surprise, I came out of class with my back feeling stronger and more functional than it had in a long time.

Not wanting the effects to wear off, I started doing a few of the movements at home. The pose that I guessed had helped the most is Half Moon Pose. When I went back a few weeks ago, the instructor gave a very important command: always start this pose with your feet and legs together tightly, and with the weight in your heels. This will position your spine so that when you bend to either side, you are going over in a straight line, and not leaning to the front or back. I did this pose incorrectly for two weeks - it was amazing the difference I felt when I started from this position.

Don't die over how cute my outfit is...

In half moon pose, you stretch up tall with your arms over your head, your hands clasped with your index fingers pointing to the ceiling. Then, stretching up and out of your hips, slowly compress your right side while stretching your left. Try and keep your arms over your head and your face exactly between your arms. Slowly reach to the side, keeping your legs tightly together and remembering to push your hips forward to keep the front and back sides of your body upright. A good visual is to imagine that you are standing inside of your walls, with sheetrock in front of you and in back of you, so that you are only moving side to side, not forward and sideways. Hold for 10-20 seconds, allowing yourself to get used to the position.

Slowly raise yourself up to standing. Repeat on on the left side - your right side will now be stretching long and your left side is compressing. Hold 10-20 seconds and come back to standing.

Next you are going to reach behind you. I find that with the first back bend, I can stretch farther and my back is happier if I support my lower back with my hands as I bend backward. I'm not sure what a Bikram Yoga instructor would say about this, but I do it anyway. I start by allowing my head to fall back, then slowly bend backward as I look at the wall (or couch/child/window/whatever) behind me. It is very hard to breath in this position, but try and keep breathing. Hold for 10-20 seconds then slowly roll up to standing.

I support my back on the first time around.

The second time around, your arms will be above your head. Violent shaking is very common in this position!

The last position is actually a yoga pose in itself, but it is always done in the half moon sequence. It is called Hands to Feet. But first, roll down slowly until your hands touch the floor in front of you.  Do a few deep squats here to open up your back and your hamstrings. Keep your feet and knees together. I also like to hang my head down and feel the stretch down the back of my neck.

When you are ready, put your butt up in the air with your legs bent deeply. Grasp the backs of your heels with palms - your fingers should be underneath your feet. Rest your belly on your thighs and press your face to your knees. Now start to straighten your knees until you feel a stretch down the back of your legs. Bring your elbows as close together as you can and pull up on your heels - the tension in your arms will help keep you from tipping over. Keep your eyes open as you look very closely at your shaved - or, if you  are like me, unshaved - shins. Don't worry if your legs are not straight (I have yet to get mine straight) - you just want to feel the stretch down the backs of your legs and in your lower back. Remember that Bikram is typically done in a room that is 105 degrees - the heat allows your to stretch farther, so don't push yourself too much without the benefit of the heat.

Hold for 10-20 seconds. Let go of your heels, clasp your hands together with your index fingers pointed up, and slowly roll back to standing. Finish your pose by lowering your arms back to your sides. Take a few deep breaths.

My pajama pans don't allow you to see how much my legs are bending in this pose.

Repeat all four sides. I typically don't hold each pose as long the second time around. I also notice that I can usually stretch a little farther for the second set - my back has done all its popping and adjusting to the movement and so it feels really yummy to do it again.

I was reading on the Bikram website about the back bends that are used in Bikram Yoga, and something struck me as good sense. As humans, we are always bending forward - seriously, think about how many times a day you bend at the waist. Our vertebrae get more than enough work moving forward. To keep a healthy and happy spine, we need to move our backs in all four directions so that we don't only use our back to bend forward.

I can feel a difference in the month or so since I've been practicing half moon. I love to do it when I am warm and loose after a run. I feel like my core is a lot stronger, and typically, my back will feel mostly happy for a few days after I do this pose.

I hope you enjoy this! Let me know if you try it. Be patient and listen to your body to avoid injury.

Currently:

Eating: Cinnamon Pecan Special K cereal. The pecans, the pecans! So tasty.

Wearing: soggy running clothes. Ran 5 miles today so I can start getting ready for Bloomsday next month.

Shivering:  see above, key word "soggy."

Watching: Call the Midwife, season 3. My love for this shoe is huge. And thanks to the PBS app, I can watch it on my phone!

Excited for: Mad Men season 7, which starts next Sunday. I probably shouldn't like the show so much, but I do. I can't wait to see what happens this season. Shane read an interesting theory about Don becoming DB Cooper and starting a new life. I don't know that I want it to end this way, but it explains all the airplane references on the advertisements for season 7.

Drinking: water. I gave up soda for lent.

Reading: The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd, a book about photography, a book on Bikram Yoga.

Waiting for: The last book in the Daughter of Smoke & Bone series to come out next week. I am so glad I didn't find this series earlier - I hate waiting forever for the next installment. I might have to buy it though, I'm number 41 on the waiting list at the library, and they aren't really good at getting the new books out right as they are released. I am impatient to find out what happens!

Practicing: taking pictures. I am taking bridal and wedding photos for my brother-in-law and his fiance in July. I got a new lens (which was a necessity - my last one was broken) and I've been practicing. Thank heavens for the library - I found a great book on the basics of photography and I am learning so much. Now if I could learn how to make heads or tails of Photoshop, we will be in business.

Loving: the new wall hanging I got at Pier One last weekend. It only took me four years to hang something on my bedroom wall! (Well, other than a TV, ahem.) I made up two pictures from Italy of doors that I need to go pick up. I'm going to try and mount them on canvas and made them look like they are canvas. Wish me luck - the directions on Pinterest included the words "modge-podge" - I'm in trouble.

Longing for movement

Shane and I almost never watch award shows, but this year we ended up seeing most of the Grammy's and the Academy awards. I typically watch for a few minutes, then read my book/look at my phone/sew on something, so while I heard Pink singing her Grammy-nominated song Try, I wasn't paying much attention to what was going on on-screen until about halfway through when Shane said, "You should probably be watching this." So I did, and then I loved it so much that I rewatched it, and then I watched the video and bought the song, and now I am blogging about it.

(But first: have you seen her Grammy performance? Here, I'll give you a link. Pink - Try. Or, even better, watch the video for the song. It's a big gritty, but oh so good.)

Something about this song makes me feel something big. Part of it is about movement itself. I cannot separate the movement from the music. I listen to the song in my car and while I run and as I walk from the train to work and while I do chores around my house. Sometimes I just watch the video and it feels me with a longing for movement that I've had my whole life. It's what took me from turning cartwheels in the store to doing gymnastics for hours every day. I filled my high school and college hours with dance of any kind, and now I substitute running and yoga and the occasional improv combination in my kitchen. Music and movement are inexorably intertwined, and I combine them to give both my longing for movement and my actual movement context and memory and feeling. 

The other part is the story that is told in the video (mostly the official video, but it is hinted at in her Grammy performance as well.) Maybe it's just about a really crappy relationship, two people who fight and fling themselves at one another and cause physical pain on a regular basis (but even at that level, I still appreciate it - Pink is an incredible dancer.) (I get so jealous watching her. I almost don't want to watch because I wish so much it was me being that amazing.) But I read the movement as the complex emotional dance that is our life: the stops and starts and sometimes violent crashes that happen between humans. It makes me remember the desperation of last year - of wanting something, of fighting about it all the time, of no one winning, of trying every day to get back into step with my life. It felt like every day, I was flinging myself at my husband, at my expectations, at my anger, only to feel the weight of them flinging back at me. It was messy and discordant and a little bit ugly. The words in the chorus - where there is a fire there is going to be a flame, where there is a flame some one's bound to get burned, but just because it burns it doesn't mean you're gonna die, you've got to get up and try, try, try - they get me. I feel them and I remember and I think about the burning that didn't burn me up. And I think about how movement during most of that time was a solace that I didn't have. 

And so I when I listen to the song, I think about it and where I am now. I didn't burn. Or maybe I did - maybe the part of me that so desperately wanted that life with the third baby was burned away. I let her go, and something new came out of from the ashes. A new chapter grew into not just my life, but my family's life. We aren't the same four people. Events and people and places came out of last year that I know wouldn't have happened if we had made a different choice. 

I think I like it so much because somehow, its lyrics and movement allow me a sense of nostalgia. Strange that I would feel that, since it's like picking a long-ago healed scab; why do I want to keep remembering? Maybe it's because of what I can see that came out of it. Maybe it's gratitude for the less-frantic dance I am currently living. Maybe it's the mobility that I have now, and the way I don't take it for granted the way I did before. Maybe it's just that I really, really love modern dance, and that I appreciate the symbolism of the colors that stain Pink and her partner by the end of the video.

I sort of can't decide where to jump on this post. Am I being all fan-girly about Pink? Do I just really like dance? Am I jealous that I don't look like her? Is it the remembering of last year? I think yes, to all of them. So, in conclusion, I guess I should ask: do you remember your painful times of life with a sort of fondness? Do you like Pink? Do you giggle a little at how big Nate Reuss's feet look in his part of the song?