Further close encounters of the ex-family kind

This is one of those posts that I don't know if I should push the "publish" button on. Part of me wants to put it out there, and another part wants me to write about it and then lay it away somewhere safe. I don't want to write anything I'll one day regret. We'll see.

Remember my chance encounter? Well, we all came face to face this past weekend. Just writing this puts butterflies in my stomach. I won't go into the details of why this situation is the way it is, or how the people involved are related to me, but know that I was once in daily contact with these people. We were supposed to be family. My kids spent a lot of time at their house. I called them when I had a dumb cooking questions. She once bid on a breast pump for me over ebay. You know, special things.

That being said, we all ended up together at a church this past weekend. Someone in the family had gotten married, so Shane and I and my dear mother-in-law Vonnay went to the reception. All was fine and good when we arrived; we couldn't see any cars that looked familiar, and we didn't see anyone when we walked into the reception itself. The bride was beautiful (because they always are) and I took a few pictures for Vonnay. I thought about cake and punch and nut cups.

I could almost feel Harry and Sally (not their real names) (one of my favorite movies, by the way) when they came into the room. Jane, another person who came with Harry and Sally, walked up to me and Shane and hugged us. I was so grateful for Jane and for her integrity, for her willingness to still talk to us despite the estrangement that has overshadowed the relationship with Harry and Sally. My heart started to beat a little faster, and the butterflies began rolling. I figured that I could stay on my side of the room, but a few minutes later I found myself talking to Jane and Vonnay with only a few few feetseparating me from Harry and Sally.

That is when I knew I had to try. Seriously, I could almost hear "Choose the Right" playing somewhere in my head (darn those primary songs). I was supposed to go and talk to them, despite the 3 years that had passed, despite the things that had been said, despite the fact that I ran from them at Sam's Club and wondered if they wanted to run me over. So, my heart beating so hard and fast I thought everyone would see it through my shirt, I walked over and said hello to both of them (I called them "you two." I couldn't even bring myself to say their names.)

I wish I could have heard what they were thinking in their minds. Harry looked a tiny bit receptive, but Sally did not. I told Sally that her hair was cute. Her response, "Thanks. It's been like this for a LONG TIME." She said this with such a surety, such a confidence that I didn't belong in their life, and hadn't, and probably wouldn't, that it almost made me want to run.

To this awesomely receptive comment, I said (while trying to remain calm and friendly and 500,000% more confident than I really was): "Well, it's been a LONG TIME. Anyway....Byeee!!"

And I ran out of the church.

It sounds pretty pathetic as it is. Who cares that I told a family member I liked her hair? But for me, it was a little triumph. It was as close to passing them the peace pipe as I could muster (especially in a church.) I knew I wouldn't be able to make everything all better. I knew I was probably wasting my time and energy and precious heart beats. But I had to do it.

After it was over, I felt like I could have run a marathon. I didn't scurry away from them. I didn't stand in the middle of the road and wait for them to decide if they were going to run me over or not. I got to decide a part of the nature of our relationship and how I would react to their silence. I decided.

And now I'll publish. Please say I won't have to regret this one day.